Living Room: You spent a lot of your time in here.BY the outside door was your little tikes kitchen the older kind, your little tikes washer and dryer, you liked to lie on the floor and to spin the dryer drum and to put your crayons in it. How you loved those crayons.Then , there was your desk you could trace pictures on, down the hall your tikes fridge and stove, you loved that when it was in the sunroom. Your other tikes stove that talked, your shelves with little bins, the fisher price houses, your play cubes, and so many toys. Everything was bought with you in mind so you could play. I only thought of you always as i do now but you aren't here and my heart cries and cries.  BY the couch was your favourite blue chair, giselle gave it to you. It was a seat that was like foam but hard foam with a high back abd ity sat on a square wooden peice with wheels. You would have your milk in this chair, and your snacks and watch all your videos.You would go to your chair when you got up in the morning and from your naps and i would get your bottle and your kinder egg.There was crackers, fruit, chips and of course your favourite hickory stix. I would pick out the long ones cause you would only eat the ones that were long. You would look at them first before you ate them to make sure they were just right. You would put together and take apart the kinder bracelets. I would pass it to you and then you would give me the pieces to put together . You liked doing that.. I would make balls for fluffy from your kinder egg wrappers and throw them for her and she would bring them back , while i was sitting beside you. I always sat beside you on the floor. Behind your chair was your step 2 house. It had a roof, a little door and seats to sit on . You liked to push the roof up. And you coloured all over it. Now , it sits in the back yard under a tree in your memory. All i have is memories and it isn't enough . I love you so much my angel baby . God does not hear my cries for i am alone and you are not here. I love you baby pusskin.There was your winnie the pooh wooden chair beside your house. It had a plate with snacks, your kinder eggs you had opened. Under it books and toys. Then, your big spring horse. Then,m your dora desk with a seat that lifted up. I kept snacks on it for you.You had tpys that spun things, weeble houses,. In front of the tv, many toy boxes, dora and diego backpacks that talked. You loved putting things in them. Your cash registers, f.p mailbox, you played with that a lot. And of course your thomas trains. Thomas trains were your favourite and of course, your crayons and kinder eggs.There were thomas trains set up in front of the big window, you would put them down the tracks. There were train tracks in circles so you could play. You had the ones that were take along sets. I always got a thomas train when i went to the grocery store for you.Your cars pull out couch was in front of the coffee table. You would sit there or lie on it and watch your shows. You always had your ipod in your hand. I made sure it was charges every night so i could give it to you when you woke up. Your littler blue and white rocking chair sat by the coffee table, then my rocking chair.. I held you when you were smaller always in that chair while christmas music, away in a manger played over and over again on the computer for you to listen to. Then, i pushed you in your car, first an orange one, then a larger green one. When you got bigger, you pulled the steering wheel off so you could put your legs over the top part.I would push you for many hours each day and give you snacks and drinks. You were in front of the tv and you had your ipod and your six plastic circles in your hand. You loved to eat ritz crackers, hickory stix, kraft dinner crackers, but then they stopped making them, bananas, triscuits, goldfish.K. D. crackers were one of your favorites.You would let me know if you wanted to watch netflix, videos or dvds,you would go behind the tv and pull out the cords and wait till someone came and plugged in the ones you wanted for what you wanted to watch. You were so smart. I knew what you wanted, i was with you all the time and i don't understand this.One day you didn't want to watch dvds anymore.don't know why, just video tapes. You loved the wiggles the best, we got all the wiggles ones for your third b.day. You loved rock a bye your bear the most and would do the motions and sing along and clap your beautiful little hands and laugh. I loved that laugh now i don't hear it anymore. You liked santas rocking, anything christmas for you are your christmas miracle always and forever my little angel. You liked arthurs christmas, santga claus, cailiou. You would repeat the phrases cailiou said in the same voice. It was so cute. You loved dora, deigo, stewart little, smurfs christmas, little pony, annabelle,mickeys christmas, mr. magoo so many shows you loved them all.You would watch dvds at the wooden table on your mother's computer. The last one you watched was top of the tots. You would always laugh in the same place. I remember the last time you watched it, you had such a sweet little tinkling laugh. That sound is forever in my head, it was so beautiful, like you. You had a pink barbie car you would run it back and forth in front of the computer, while you watched it. I always gave you hickory stix, crackers, triskets, anything in front of you.
 You loved your ipod. it was in your hand every waking moment.You knew how to get to your games, you would play this one game, art museum and you knew exactly where to put the abcs in order, my smart angel child.You didn't talk much, you would point.You would sit in the rocking chair with your head on your pink pillow and watch your ipod and the tv..I tried so hard, i am so sorry it is my fault you are not here, i tried as much as is possible but it has to be  my fault you aren't here. And i am sorry, my life for yours in a heartbeat. But God has forsaken me when He took my baby boy. You had a big long blackboard in front of the outside door as sometimes you would try to go out. You had a cookie monster your uncle jody got for you for your last christmas. Yoiu loved that cookie monster, it would open its mouth and ask for cookies and the cookies would fall into his backpack. You would feed him real chocolate chip cookies. Sometimes you would even eat a bit. You loved your baby food, peas, carrots, beans, sweet patatoes, baby blueberries, the big jars, strawberries, baby cookies,. You ate pea pods, watermelon. You used to have a slide and bus with wheels that turned and you could sit in it and watch tv and you ate watermelon in it when you were smaller. You would stick your finger in jello and lick it off. You liked uogart tubes. Then, one day you got sick and didn't want anything after that. I tried angel so hard but it wasn't enough and i am sorry. You loved to bounce up and down, JUmping up and down was one of your favourite things. You would hold gerry's hands when he would come in and jump up and down till he got tired, You would laugh and jump. It was so precious my baby boy. Up and down always made you laugh, your mother would hold you in her arms and go up and down and i would do it beside you and how you laughed. She would spin you around and you were so happy. There was only laughter for you, it was always only you. I lived for you and it wasn't enough> Now, there  is only silence, and the memories that i see constantly, that i welcome with open arms. There is only emptiness that never ends as i look for you and cry and cry and reach for the smiles in your pictures but no one reaches back. I love you my little one more than anyone can ever fathom for you are my angel baby, my everything. I miss you so.