The Life of Angel
Caleb-Jussi Heath (Piispanen)
N
February 23,2015: I am trying this again, it didn't work before, Precious angel, There is never a time when you are not in my thoughts, my heart, my soul. I miss you so. I wonder what you would be doing now, you would be in school adventuring with your mother, you would come home to me laughing, running, playing and i would make lunch for you. I tried little one, my beautiful boy, how i miss you, i am so sorry, i scream to GOd but you are not here and i am stuck in this nothing place wiaitng to be with you. love you sweet pusskin, today, yesterday tomorrow, for ever, for eternity, i love you my precious angel boy.
February 24,2015: Precious little angel:Sara, sylena and i went to your spot this morning. It wwas snowing, snowflakes that you didn't get to see. We brought a lion type stuffie, a little red monkey and sara found a little book you liked to look at .You loved your smurfs books, cailiou, dora, diego and so much more.What would you have liked now..i don't know. I am so sorry my sweet boy, i pray and pray and ask God for your return, i believe God can if He wants too..you are my life little one, ther eis nothing now but endless time without you. I miss you so my sweet boy. Angel i love you more than everything, i love you pusskin.
February 27,2015: MY precious angel: I am missing you so much. There is no light inside of me anymore, only darkness, for you were the light of my soul .I touch your pictures and don't feel the warmth of your body or see the brightness of your smile, ther eis nothing, i don't understand and i never will and time doesn't make anything easier, you will always be my everything. I don't like to see children, what right do others have to be here and not my beautiful angel boy, I am so sorry little one, i tried and it wasn't enough, my life for yours sweet boy, ask God to come back and He can have me. I love you my sweet angel, always, forever, there is only my baby angel.
March 1,2015: Precious angel: The birds were singing outside our room this morning but you weren't here to hear them. I hate the sound without you and i used to sit and listen to the birds and take delight in nature. Now, my soul cries constantly to God who doesn't seem to hear me. This is so wrong where is my beautiful little boy so full of innocence and joy? Why Lord why ? Were my sins so great that my precious angel was taken? I tried God knows i did. Humanity got in the way, why Lord did you bother with this world to only have never ending pain. I love you precious angel and i am getting so tired of waiting to be with you, you are my everything and no one will ever understand the depth of this nothing place. I love you sweet pusskin. I hope you are playing with God and with marthas baby boy.
March 3.2015: Precious angel: How i miss you, not a second goes by, i go over and over what happened and i still don't understand. I don't understand how my beautiful boy isn't here and i am. How can this world continue when there is nothing left. I miss your beautiful smile, your little giggles when you were watching your videos, i miss everthing, i miss my precious lilltle angel, and my angel you were and always will be till God brings you back or releases me from this never ending agony. I love you little one so very much.
March 7.2015: Precious angel: I don't know what you look like now, i try to imagine but it isn't there, i see you as you were, my beautiful,innocent boy, becoming a boy, beginning to understand. You had so little of this life but you had all my time aND LOVE AND IT WASN'T ENOUGH, I AM SO SORRY PRECIOUS ONE. yOU ARE MY SOUL. MY HEART. nOW THER EIS NOTHING, THERE ARE TOO MANY HOURS IN THE DAY, I CAN'T GET RID OF THE TIME.This got stuck. I love you baby puss more than all.. there are no words. Please God be good to my angel for he is so precious, let him be special to you Lord, not just one of many. I love you sweet boy.
March 6,2015: I miss you so much, i am so sorry my angel baby. I tried so hard but it wasn't enough..i did try , everything was for you and yet no matter what you aren't here and never will be again, you didn't get to grow up, to go to school, to run and to play with friends, to adventure, to have a family. Everything is done now. I see you everywhere, i hold tight to every little memory. How i loved to watch you play, i loved everything about you, i love you. Love wasn't enough , you had all my love and so much more and i don't understand..i am sorry little one, my life for yours in a heartbeat.Where is God hiding to have taken such an innocent boy, so full of love and joy, so beautiful, the love of my life, my soul my heart. I love you sweet angel for all time.
March 11,2015: Baby angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot this morning. I brought your dora book and i put a note inside and a rose on the outside. I love you baby boy. All i can think of when we are there is that the little warm angel i held in my arms is in the ground in a box for me to never hold again. Never anything again but this endlessness that goes on forever. I am so sorry, you should be here being a child. There was so much love, so many things i didn't know, i tried little one and everything was for you. Now i do nothing for my sweet ,precious boy isn't here. Why did God allow this. I will never understand. I love you angel mine forever and ever.
March 16.2015:Precious angel: You are always and forever in my thoughts. There is nothing but you. The snow is melting and i see my beautiful boy riding his bike through bubbles i am blowing, i tried so hard to make everything perfect for you, i tried angel boy..i love you bey9nd all things yet you are not here with me. i MISS YOU SWEET ANGEL,so much..you are my heart and soul, nothing can ever fix what is now, i can't make time go back, i can't make God bring you back even though i truly believe He an but He has refused me. I love y6ou my sweet little pusskin always forever only you.
March 17, 2015: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today. We brought a solar an gel. I know your spirit, is with God and my family but i want there to be light around your body, i wish i could have some music too. How you loved music and liked to play the organ and dance, Now everything sits here doing nothing, there is nothing, oh little one my soul c ries to you at the unfairness of this all. Sara picked out a ceramic franklin turtle for you and we brought that, You loved franklin and arthur, you loved everything, now there is so much emptiness and time with nothing in it, you are missing, i miss you so much my precious little angel boy..i love you little sweetheart.
March 20.2015: Precious angel> My heart is crying for you, screaming at God, breaking at the injustice of this, march break and my little pusskin would have been on holidays and i would have made sure they were filled with so much laughter. I loved to just watch you play, loved everything that was you. there's not enough memories, i need God to bring you back or release me so i can be with you.So much that you should be doing now. I do nothing because you were my reason for living, this existence is nothing, and never will have anything for my sweet angel boy is missing. i love you angel.
March 24, 2015: Precious angel: Sara, sylena and i went to your spot. We brought to angel solar lights,I know your spirit is playing with God, i like to think thaT AND THAT GOD HOLDS YOU CLOSE TO HIS HEART AS I DID AND ALWAYS WILL. yOU ARE SO MISSED, THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE than my love for you, i tried i am so sorry sweetheart. There is nothing in my heart now, for it was filled with only you. Nothing else matters, you were, are my everything, i miss you so. I hate seeing kids riding their bikes down the street, i can't see you and i cry and nobody cares, why should anyone care, oh sweet puss your great gramma loves and misses you so much. The tears have no place to go, evrything is ov erflowing, sweet boy, know i love you and need you. \
march 27,2015: Precious angel. It is almost easter qand you aren't here, i can't fill your basket with thomas trains and kinder surprises. no stuffies, nothing..but thigns to bring to your spot. You can't play with them. I miss you so much my precious, beautiful boy. This is your second easter without you, it is nothing, you were supposed to be here with us, with me, in my arms, celebrating easter, playing, riding a new easter bike, oh my beautiful little boy my heart and soul are crying constantly for what you are missing, all the love in the universe wasn't enough and it should have been. nothing can atc h or contain the tears of this nothing life. i love you my sweet pusskin.
March 30,2015: Precious angel Baby: I sit on my bed and hold your piece of hair and feel it close to my face, but you aren't here and i can't find you, i can't feel the warmth of your body next to mine, your little hand holding mine, the beat of your heart. I pray and pray to God to bring you back for this is a mistake, my beautiful little, sweet boy, you should be here enjoying childhood but you are with God. I miss you so pusskin. I remember everything, there is nothing i do here that is not with a thought of you, I see you in the bathroom, filing the containers full of water till they went all over the floor, sliding into the tub, so many little things that filled my now empty heart to bursting. I am so sorry, my life for yours in a heartbeat, anything so you could have lived. Why didn't God hear my prayer, your prayer, you wee so perfect and special. I miss you sweet angel and love you for all time.
March 31, 2015: we are going to your spot soon. I want to hold you not leave you there in the ground. i would give anything to have you with me or to be with you in heaven. There is nothing in this world my sweet angel there was just you and this time seems to go by but goes nowhere, but brings me closer to you with each day. You should be here, you aren't here no eggs or easter hunts, you never really understood easter, the bunny or santa but you would have. oh baby boy i miss you and love you so.
March 31,2015:Sweet angel: Sara,sylena and i went to your spot. We brought a kinder stuffie. I just want to stay ther ewith you, even though i know your spirit is with God. God has so many with Him why my angel? Why..i will never understand my sweet angel, so beautiful why aren't you here? I cry and cry and it makes no difference God isn't caring. want you back here wher eyou belong. This is so wrong little one, i love you so , miss you beyond all things. I am angry at the sun for shinning, at the snowflakes, the singing of the birds, the children i see playing,. I want to see my angel.oh pusskin i am so sorry.i love you sweet baby for all time.
april 3,2015: Precious baby angel;This is the second easter you are not with us. There is no happy without you, time just sits and then it is gone, it has no meaning, never will again for my sweet baby isn't in my arms.I miss you little one each and every second of existing time.I am so sorry, sorry for not doing enough, i feel it is my fault you are not here, i know it is, and i am sorry, i tried angel, oh how i tried. Everything ws you and only you but i missed the most important, i didn't know things were not right inside of you, it never occurred to me,I miss you so much, i love you little pusskin, my cuddle bum. Know in heaven my love, my thoughts only dwell on you. i love you little angel boy for all time.
April 4,2015:Precious baby, how my heart calls out to you. There is no easter egg hunt, no science north nothing that we could be doing now. Now we are doing nothing. I am doing nothing, nothing forever till i am with my sweet angel boy. It's not enough to hold your hair in my hand and to remember, i miss you so much.I am so sorry baby boy . The tears keep going and never stop for i need my sweet angel. Oh puss i love you.
April 5,2015: Sweet angel;It's easter and my precious boy isn't here. I miss you sweetheart. This is wrong. everyone will be here i will take pictures,something we didn't do so much of us all together, sara will hold your picture as i take a picture, we are your family and i am so sorry you aren't here, i am angry, at what was meant to be and was taken away.You were, are my light, my life, my heart and soul and now ther eis nothing. Empty spaces that will never be filled again.Can you feel my love in heaven, or is the veil too thick. So much has been taken, i don't understand but sweet angel everything i did i did for you, i tried so hard but it wasn't enough. You should be eating your easter candy, bunnies and thomas trains, crayons, love, laughter and turkey.Family. Are you with my father and martha and all of them that went before.I love you sweet boy, my perfect, beautiful little pusskin, my cuddle bum.
April 5,2015: My angel: Everyones gone home now, but you weren't even here. i imagine you wlaking down the hall ,your easter basket swinging beside you full of kinder eggs, and everything your heart would have desired. Your last easter basket sits in the cupboard with the plates you ate from. I remember yoou sitting in your rocking chair opening your kinder eggs, you used to eat the chocolate and then you didn't want to anymore, oh sweetheart, my soul screams for you, my heart keeps breaking into little peices and God doesn't hear me.I miss you so much little one, i love you my angel child.
April 7,2015: We, sara, sylena and i went to your resting spot.We brought a yellow flower plant.The snow is almost gone there, we can see your solar lights now, and toys and books. These are things you should be able to see here, but my beautiful little one is not hee, how can God take an innocent child, one who was and is loved beyond measure, oh sweet puss i am so sorry, i hate seeing the sunshine, the snow melting, the snowflakes and the sound of birds singing, because you aren't here to see and to hear. Angel, my heart and soul cry out to God constantly. You should be making friends at school riding a new bike, counting easter candy, playing, having fun with me, i love you so angel baby and i miss you.
April 10,2015: Precious angel: I don't understand why this thing called time keeps going on when it should stop when your life here stopped. why am i here without you? Why aren't you here? This makes no sense , i am so sorry my sweet, beautiful angel boy. There is no greater love then what gramma has for you. How can God not hear my anguish, and bring you back. why can't He feel my pain and let me go to you? I love you so much my angel, nobody knows how my heart and soul cry out day and night for what you are not doing now, for the injustice. where is God's mercy. I love you sweet boy so very much, yesterday, today, tomorrow, you are my heart and soul.
April:14, 2015: Precious angel: sylena, sara and i went to your spot,all i could think of was that your body was down there under the slushy, wet ground, in the earth, my soul cries to God, yet i am still here, seperated from my beautiful little one.We brought a colour changing angel and sylena brought two kinder stuffies, how you loved kinder eggs,crayons and thomas trains and of course, your ipod, i made sure it was charged every night so you could have it in the morning when you came out to the living room.I am so sorry, how different it must be in heaven, i pray God lets you know constantly how special you are, how you are all that is in my heart and i scream within me all the time reaching for my angel boy. I love you sweet pusskin with an everlasting love that will never end. I miss you angel.
April 17,2015< My little angel: My saying i am sorry doesn't change anything, i tried so hard but it wasn't enough,i miss you little one so much. God doesn't hear the anguish in my soul or He would let me go or bring my sweet baby back, even though you were four and a half you were still a baby, you were just starting to get your little boy look and to notice other things around you. The tears will never stop my sweet boy for my heart is empty ther eis no more light. You were my everything, then, now , forever.My thoughts are always on my angel, nothing else, nothing else matters, i am sorry puss, my life for yours in a heartbeat.I love you my sweet angel.
April 21,2016:Sylena, sara and i went to your spot this morning, it was raining a bit, we brought a book, i put your picture on it with a hot wheels car and i wrote inside of the book and wrapped it in cling wrap. I miss you so much little one, whenever i see a child riding a bike or anywhere, when i look outside i see you riding your bike through the bubble so would blow, i always blew bubbles so you could drive through them. When you went for your last walk, you wanted me to go to with sara, it is like you knew and wanted us together. WE will be togehter some time in heaven but i want you know. Sometimes i just sit and wait and hope God will bring you back, i wouldn't be surprised as i know God is able to do anything. You are my heart and soul. my everything, now there is nothing but emptiness everywhere , all over,time means nothing, only you sweet angel. I love you so.
April.26,2015: Little angel: You are always in my thoughts, gramma sees you everywhere in my mind and i reach for my sweet boy and it is only a memory> I remember everything, your treasure box is in our room in the headboard, your things are as you left them.Your clothes on the dresser, your peice of hair, i touch and i cry inside, i scream inside, everyone is hee today but you are missing, i can't find you, only in pictures and in my memories, i need more memories, i need to feel your little hand in mine ,waiting for me to clap back and forth within your hands, how you loved that and would raise your hands in the air and i would clap fast back and forth and i would see your baby smile, your little boy smile. How beautiful and sweet and all things my precious boy. I love you my angel child for all time.
April 28,2015: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today. I will go every week as long as i am here away from you. i need you here my sweet boy, to feel your little hand holding mine, to hear your laughter and to see your smily face. I want to see you running and playing, i loved to watch you play, i always tried to take in every moment of you, you are my everything and i don't kow what to do now, there is nothing to do, i go to sleep at night and you aren't beside me, i wake up and you aren't there, how you would smile in your sleep if i touched your face, your hair, you knew my touch. You were so precious and beautiful. i used to tell you how the little girls would chase after you in school, you were so pretty, but you never went to school, you were with me, and i treasure and remember every second and i cry and cry, there is no more memories for my perfect, beautiful ,sweet angel child isn't here anymore and i am, without you and there is nothing but empty time, nothing time for you are my everything.i love you little pusskin.
May,1,2015: Precious angel: I am missing you so much, there's tears and tears and i see only you, no matter what i am doing or where i am there is you. Oh God in heaven bring this beautiful child back or release me, this is too much to bear for me,Why my child, why such a beautiful,sweet innocent boy why Lord?Why? i see you sweet boy counting apples, i see you watching the fireworks for the first time, noticing them when i was pushing you in the car,i see you in the back yard playing..i see you but i can't feel you for you are only in my heart and memories and my heart is full of tears i can't stop.I love you sweet boy.
May 4,2015: My beautiful boy, you had every right to live ,why aren't you here, why are all the other children here and my arms are no longer holding my precious baby boy? My angel. my love, how i miss you, you never went to school, or ate a hamburger or went to macdonalds and played, so many things you will never get to do, i tried so hard and i failed and i have to live with that but this isn't about me, my life ended when yours did, my sweet puss, i pray God is good to you in heaven and that some of these things you didn't get to do here God will give to you in heaven. I want you to be special in heaven as you were and always will be to me, there was nothing but you, there is nothing now but you, i love you little one so much and my tears have no place to go anymore.i miss my sweet angel more than words will ever be able to tell, you and me were supposed to be forever, together, i am so sorry angel baby, heart of mine.
May,5,2015:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.I heard a bird singing,what right does it have to sing there when you can't hear it.Are there any birds in heaven, is there any kind of time? Do you get to be a boy and to grow up,to play, please God keep my sweet boy special in heaven,hold him close to you.We brought white tulips,i am going to bring flowers each time for the summer. You loved daisies and i remember you picking some for me.I remember you pulling off the petals, you should be running through daisies,listening to the birdsong, watching the leaves come upon the trees but you aren't here with us, with me and ther eis no end to this forever nothing.i miss you my beautiful baby, i love you for all time.
May 10,2015: Precious angel: It's mother's day.we miss you. I miss you.You would be running around now, jumping on the beds and we would be having a special meal and we would be happy.There is no happy because you are not here, i am so sorry little one,gramma cries and cries for you but God is silent, He has the power to return you, to give us all another chance to be with you for ther eis nothing in my life now but the wonderful memories of a sweet, beautiful little biy who filled my heart. Now my heart is empty, life goes on but mine stopped with you, my heart is still bating but there is no life but time to fill in, you were, are my all in all,my sweet angel boy, i love you my baby bear, my pusskin, my cuddlebum..i love you angel boy for all time and then some.
May 12,2015:Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot,it was raining a bit and wet. We brought solar coach lights, i want light not darkness for you, i know you are with God but your body is there, so far from me. How i long to hold you in my arms,next to me to see your beautiful little face and your smile, to touch your curls and tell you how much i love you.I look at your pictures each night on my phone and try to touch you,but i can't feel the warmth of your skin or the brightness of your eyes or hear your little giggles, the clapping of your hands. No music box plays all night, there is no little hand for me to touch, my beautiful boy forgive me, i tried so hard and i failed because you are not here, not a second goes by where you are not in my thoughts, always in my heart,my sweet angel child. I love you.
May 14.2015: My precious angel : I miss you so much, when i touch your pictures, they don't touch back, this is so wrong, you aren't going to see the fireworks, or hear them, nothing, you can'tsee the pretty flowers, you can't have kinder eggs or crayons, no pictures, no diasies, Dear Lord let my sweet boy know he is special in heaven,special for the beauty in him, his beautiful smile and touch, i cry and cry and God you don't c are, you left me here in an absolute hell i can't escape from, i want to be with my sweet angel boy, where is your mercy in taking angel from us, i can't hold on, dear lord take me to be in heaven with you and my baby angel, tell angel every day how much i miss him and love him, he is and always will be my precious angel boy, the love of my heart.I love you little angel.
May15,2015:Precious angel: It is friday,and there will be fireworks this weekend.I hate them because you can't see them how you would run and shout now, your last fireworks, i was pushing you in your car and you were amazed,looking out the window at all the colours, it was the first time you showed an interest in them and i watched your face and eyes light up and i treasure that memory, i treasure all my memories of you for you were, are my life, my heart, my soul. I know it is different in heaven but i pray you are happy,special,loved and cared for, you are my everything and not a second goes by that you are not in my thoughts, i miss my little boy so much.I love you sweet pusskin so very, very much.
May 17,2015:Precious angel: You would be playing outside now,laughing running, swinging on your swings, being a boy,all was for you ,i tried so hard but not hard enough, there wasn't a second i didn't watch you,there was only you and now you aren't here and no matter what anyone says it does not get easier with time for you are not here and nothing can change that.God could bring you back or release me but He isn't hearing me.I am in a hell i can't get out of time is my enemy for ther eis too much of nothing time.I miss you so angel mine, my sweet,beautiful boy. I love you angel child for all time till we are together and you will be in my arms again.
May19,2015:Precious angel: Sylena and sara and i went to your spot,we brought some mini roses, sara planted them under your light.I pulled up grass. My heart breaks for you sweet boy, you deserved to live like the other kids, it isn't right and i still can't come to terms with what happened. I am so sorry my angel boy, for you truly were and are perfection. This is all so wrong, i want to see my precious, sweet boy,to see you playing, having fun but it stopped your body is in the cold ground and you can't do anything, i cry for the many things you never got to experience. I am so sorry, i was so careful with you, everything was for you but it wasn't enough or you would be here. You are my sunshine always and forever,sweet puss there is only you. I love you my little baby bear.
May 21,2015:Precious angel:two years ago you were here in my arms, on my lap by the computer bouncing up and down clapping your little hands,you wee watching your videos with your ipod in your hand,always your ipod and your six plastic circles, never could figure out why you loved those circles but you always kept them in your hand, at bedtime, i would take them off the bed as they fell out of your hand and put them on the headboard so you could have them when you woke up.I tried so hard angel and you are not here, my heart cries out to you. my soul to God who doesn't hear me but leaves me in ahell that goes on forever and gets worse with each day. I miss you sweet baby , always ther eis only you, as others go on, as the leaves come and go, as the wind blows, i see only you and nothing else ever, i miss you so much and cry and cry for you, i loe you my sweet angel. always and forever.
May 26,2015:Precious little angel: Sylena and sara and i went to your spot. The birds are always singing there as if they are praising God. You are with God my little one, you were to be here with me.All the many boy things you should be doing now, you never got to do, you are not here in my arms and this is all wrong, I miss you every second of this existence for without you ther eis nothing but empiness, my soul cries out to God, the living God who allowed my little, sweet, innocent baby to die. How could you allow death to claim this child, the child of my heart, my soul. Precious angel i watched you every second but i lost you anyway. We brought a hanging solar light with birds on it and planted some yellow roses, i know you can't see them right now my sweet puss, but i will be with you and have you in my arms again but i nee dyou now, where is God's mercy..i love you baby puss , my cuddlebum,my baby bear, the child of my heart.I love my angel..dear Lord keep him close.
May 30,2015: precious sweet angel boy: Two years ago at this time you were here,and now there is nothing, how could you have been here and now you are with God and we go and visit the spot where your beautiful body lays in a box. you aren't supposed to be there, you are meant to be here with me where you belong but i can't find you. I miss you so much.I don't understand any of this, i know in my head but my heart clings to the hope that the God who can do all things will yet bring my angel back to His glory.The time itself seems suspended as if it shouldn't exist but it does and has nowhere to go, objects can be recycled but days in our liv es find no way back to what was and what should be. I miss you my beautiful,sweet anglel child, my cuddlebum, my baby bear , my little puss..my heart knows no peace and never will again in this world till we are together and you are once again in my arms, i love you sweet pusskin and miss you constantly.
June 1,2015: Precious baby, two years ago gramma was pushing you in your green car, holding you,touching your beautiful face in your sleep, loving you. I don't understand any of this only that i am surrounded by nothing, vst blackness that won't stop, i miss you so much my sweet boy, how unfair this is, you came into this world in distress and left the same way, i tried so hard my love, there ws only you, now and forever, you are my heart and soul and i cry out to God to bring to bring you back to me.i love you my precious little one always forever.
June 2,2015:precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.I brought a little car for you.I miss you so much puss.There are no words or time or anything, ther eis only you and i want my beautiful angel back in my arms. Why God took you i don't understand and left me here to suffer in empty time, ther eis nothing without you, you were, my everything, the child of my heart and soul.Now my beautiful little boy is in heaven and i am left here without you. You didn't get to have little boy adventures or ride a two wheel bike, i tried so hard and failed you.I am so sorry little one, not a second goes by that your gramma is not thinking of you.Please God return this child to your glory.Take his hand and bring him back for you have the power, we prayed to you oh Lord when he was alive and i believed, you can do all things oh Lord,bring my sweet boy back, he deserves to be a boy.I love you little angel, my precious cuddlebum,my baby bear.
june 4,2015:My precious angel: i miss you all the time, when i take a bath i see you standing, closing the shutters,opening them while i try to wash your hair and rinse it, i see you sliding sown the tub over and over and i put my arm out o you don't slip. you liked to fill the little cups, sontainers till they overflowed on the side of the tub and i would put towels there to catch the water, you loved your tubby toys, you would sit on my lap and sara would blow dry your hair, you would bring your crayons intothe bathroom and when you were done i would put them back into your hand.You would sit on my lap in the bathroom with the lights out and your santa light plugged in and we would sing jingle bells and you would clap..i remember everything sweet boy and i cry and cry. I love you baby angel.There is only and always only you, my precious boy.
June 9,2015: precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today, it was warm there, the sun was bright.Is it warm, bright in heaven, are you playing, i imagine what you would be doing here and how you would look and how wonderful it would be to hold my sweet boy in my arms again.I miss you so much sweetheart, everyone has moved on but you were mine little one, mine to love and care for and something went wrong and i don't understand when i was with you all the time.My heart cries constantly for my angel baby who would now be a big boy, i want to see you running, playing calling for gramma, you would put your little fingers under the bathroom door when i had a bath, you wanted me, i had to sneak out when i absolutely had to go out and get groceries, other than that i never left your side, you were and are always my all in all, the precious child of my heart. I love you angel boy.We brought white solar roses and cleaned up your site. I love you angel always and forever.
JUne 11,2015: Precious little angel: I miss you so much,I don't understand any of this. Jody is putting your memorial in the paper again, i tried to find a picture that was clear so everyone could see how beautiful you were, are. Not just your gorgeous smile but you knew how to love, you loved completly and i lo ve you with an eternal love and my heart cries for my sweet boy who came into this world in distress and left it the same way. I see your memories everywhere and i want more, i want you in my arms, i want it all to be ok but it never will again and nobody understands how much i miss you, my angel boy, my angel child.My thoughts are forever on you, yesterday, today tomorrow for all time my heart cries and my soul screams out to God, i love you baby pusskin, you are grammas beautiful boy an di love you.
JUne 12,2015: Precious angel: You are constantly in my thoughts, my heart, my cries. I miss you always. This does not make any sense that you aren't here, how can this be?You are meant to be here with me. i am so sorry little pusskin. WE will all be getting together on the aniversay of your passing..i will never allow anyone to forget the beauty of your smile, your little giggles when you watched the wiggles, i remember your last giggle, your last crayon that you broke on your tummy, it was brown, the feel of your hand in mine, the smile on your face when i touched it when you were sleeping. I miss you my sweet boy, i grieve for the many adventures you never got to have, and pray God holds you close to His heart as you will always be close to mine till you are again in my arms. I love you little angel child for all time.
June 13,2015:Precious angel: i miss you so much, i feel pain like rivers flowing through me and a never ending stream of tears with no place to go. As it approaches the second year of your passing i still don't understand any of this, there are no answers, i am so sorry, this should be your time, but you aren't here and it has t be my fault because i took care of you, you were never out of my sight, i tried to make everything perfect for you, but i failed, i tried so hard angel boy..I love you little one, my precious sweetheart..there are no words as i sit in nothing time waiting to be with you.
June 16,2015:Precious angel: Sylena ,sara and i went to your spot.I brought a red solar rose,and pulled up grass to make it look nice.I know you can't see it now but i believe when i am finally with you in heaven you will see this all then, i am so sorry little one, i tried so hard, i watched you constantly, every little thing, i would always put blankets pillows around you when you were sleeping when i would get your bottle, i would give you milk every hour and a half ,every two hours day and night and play your music box, everything i did, i did for you, for you are always my angel child, God's gift, my miracle bay, for you truly were a miracle baby,you are my miracle, my love, my heart, I miss you angel always and forever your heart on mine.
JUne20,2015:Precious angel: I remember two years ago on this day when the groceries were brought in, i remember you crouching down and looking in the bags on the floor for your toys, for your kinder eggs.I remember everything, every little detail my sweet boy. My heart cries out to God constantly for your return, i love you so much angel mine. This is so wrong and i can't fix it, God could. I hate seeing the kids playing outside and i can't see you, when i hear the voices of little boys ,i listen for your sound but there isn't any..why God why this innocent little angel? Why? ...i love you my baby bear always, forever till i can be with you AGAIN,
June 23,2015: precious angel: two years ago this day i was pushing you in your car,loving you, holding you,sleeping with my little pusskin in my arms. How can it be two years that you have been gone? Why aren't you running around playing, why can't i hear the joyous sound of your voice your singing twinle little star, rock a bye your bear..how you loved your videos, top of the tots, wiggles ,barneys adventure..so much, kinder eggs, thomas trains. your treasure box. Your treasure box is in my headboard, your favorite clothes on my dresser with a piece of your beautiful c urls..oh sweet puss i don't understand any of this, i love you and miss you more than anyone can ever fathom, you were the light f my life, my very heart and soul. Not a second goes by that i don't cry..rivers flow with no place to go..i scream and scream and pray for God to bring you back..or to take me so we can be together again. Tomorrow we go to your resting spot.Sylena,jody,kaylee,jenny and i together .Sara is going with someone else. We remember this terrible day yhat death crept in and stole our precious, sweet boy,so suddenly..i love you baby angel..for all time.
JUne 24,2015: Precious an gel: ITs been two years today since i saw your smiling face looking into mine with so much love, my darling sweet boy how i long for you. Sylena, jenny,jody,kaylee and i went in one car, sara and shelly, in one, johua and gerry. I brought a large thing of flowers in a pot with solar lights and a picture of you in a frame, and flowers from home and two lanterns., your home. Sylena brought a solar angel one fish two fish book your favourite and two balloons,Sara brought a bird statue and a glow in the dark lantern light, jody paid for your remembrance in the sudbury star. You are remembered every day, every second in my heart and soul, my memories which play like videos in my head and break my heart.We released the lanterns and balloons, one for each year that you are not here, oh precious baby your great gramma misses you more than anyone can ever image, for you were, are my everything, always and forever my beautiful angel child, i love you sweet boy.
June 25,2015:Precious angel: I found your video olive the other reindeer in the cupboard, how you loved that silly show. You loved your videos, especailly christmas ones, the chipmunks, my little pony, arthur, the wiggles, franklin, waiting for santa, barney all of them, your laughter filled my soul, so beautiful and sweet..oh my boy i am so sorry, i can't do anything i miss you all the time..ther eis nothing without you .i know you are with God, with Christ but you should here in my arms being a boy, i love you sweet puss and miss you more than anyone could ever comprehend, l ove you little one.
june 29.2015:Precious angel:I don't understand how it can be summer again, why the birds keep singing, the sun shines and my heart is filled with such loss and sorrow..nothing else. I see only my sweet boy nothing else and my heart breaks over and over again. Every child i see i see you, every little child sound and i listen for you, never a greater love little one than the love i have for you, you were, are my everything, i ask God constantly to bring you back to let me go. I am her ein body that is all and you should be, everything was for you so how did this happen i don't get it but i cry and cry for my sweet boy who is not here in body.Yur laughter your little giggle brought such joy to me, i want my angel boy back, my little miracle who defied all odds and was born only to be lost again. I miss you angel, my cuddlebum, my angel child, child of my heart. i love you so.
JUly 2,2015:Precious angel: You weren't here to see the pretty fireworks, how you would have loved them, i didn't want to see them, i shouldn't see them when you can't..why are ther eso many kids around here and i can't see you or hear your sweet voice? This is so wrong and i can't make it better and i am stuck here and nobody understands the pain that is inside of me with no place to go.I just am here and i wait so i can be with you, it is taking so long. i need you my sweet boy..you should be here and i can't change this, i miss you so.I love you so much, i tried so hard but it wasn't enough, i am so sorry pusskin, you are always the love of my heart and now there is no place to keep my tears.I love you sweet angel.
July 7,2015:Precious angel: There is only always only you.My heart will never stop breaking for i don't have my little sweet angel to hold in my arms..everything is empty and will remain so till i am with you in heaven and see your beautiful little boy smile. your curls,hear your laughter..i miss you so much sweet boy, I look for you, listen for the sound of your voice and i find nothing, i beg God to return you to me where you are meant to be..my love, my life my precious angel child. i love you sweet pusskin and miss you always ,
July 8,2015:precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot,We brought a large pinwheel, a rose solar light and jenny gave me a harley car to bring for you,It doesn't seem real that you are there, i know you are in heaven with God but this is so wrong and i can't make it right.why does the boy across the street get to live ,to ride a bike, to play to be a boy and my sweet, innocent angel isn't here. It'sd not right God bring my sweet boy back he needs to live too.You can do all things Lord bring angel back to me.I love yu sweet puss.
july12,2015Precious angel: I am missing you so much.There is nothing i want you my little one, my cuddlebum,i see you everywhere in my memories and i can't stop the never ending tears, i am stuck here without you and i want out.You were my everything,it should be you here not me.So much you should be doing.things remain but you my beautiful little nagel baby,my miracle,the child of my heart i can't find you. I love you sweet boy for ever for all time
july 14,2015:precious angel: today.sylena,sara and i went to your spot,Brought a solar fairy light,a little car and a kai lan book,You liked kia lan and so many other videos,you liked the wiggles the best,and arthur and franklin..of course,thomas.You loved your thomas trains,kinder eggs and crayons.You should be here now,You would have had everything,I tried to have everything for you.i tired so hard little one..not a second goes by that i am not thinking of you.There is you and only you.i love you sweet pusskin and my heart keeps crying..
july 16,2015:Precious angel: This is so wrong,i am trying to wake up and everything would be ok but i can't wake up.you aren't here with me.It's all wrong.This path is wrong.i see all the toys on kijiji that you would have liked,all the older fisher price toys but you aren't here so i can get them for you.Why you? Why the child of my heart.How scared you must have been when your spirit went to heaven without me.I am so sorry i can't stop the tears they go everywhere,I love you so much sweet pusskin my cuddlebum,you were and are my everything.I love you little one.
july 19,2015: precious angel: Always,always there is only you.How i miss you,my heart aNd soul cry out to God at the nothingness of life without you.Child tax went up and you would have got so much.I would have made sure it all went to you.Everything is so wrong,i am so angry,lost needing my sweet pusskin.I miss you little one.eveRyone is here today you are missing.I know you didn't want to leave and i am so sorry.My life for yours in a heartbeat and God knew that. How can the God i have always worshiped and loved have taken the one that was my life and left me behind. I strongly feel will be with you soon in heaven and i look forward to that alone for this world now holds nothing in it,time and space are empty..crying out with me, I love you my little angel boy for all time and space,there are no bounds my sweet boy.
jULY 2015:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot today.I brought a yellow lily and two stems of purple flowers from the garden. Crayola crayons, a little car and a book with planes inside. You loved your crayola crayons,especially browns and orange. The last crayon you broke on your tummy and ate the paper, I remember everythig my sweet angel.I miss you so much. I am angry at God for the life you are missing now.I know you are ok with God and He will care for you much better than i ever could but you had a right to live to be happy to be a boy ,to laugh,to play,to run, adventures and wonders of this world and it was taken from you. I hurt all the time my precious little one,i hurt for the many things you didn't get to do and should have.I am so sorry, i scream inside when i see other kids and i can't see you, so many kids but my angel isn't here,i miss you so sweet boy always forever you are my everything.i love you.
July 24,2015:Precious angel: i miss you so much.there is nothing without you,memories i hold close to my broken heart.Please God bring my baby back.He was so perfect,so beautiful and full of laughter and joy.I tried so hard but it wasn't enough. I love you sweet puss.How big you would be now.I see you counting apples,playing in the sand letting it run through your fingers,you liked the feel of it.I feel so much anger when i see other children and i can't see my little one,This is hell this seperation from my beautiful boy.I love you sweet angel child and my heart screams along with my soul that can find no answers for i can't find my little cuddlebum boy.
JUly 29.2015:Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.We brought a plant with big pink flowers,you loved pink .,a smurf book thing with bunches of plastic smurfs you loved smurfs christmas, you loved christmas,,and a solar rose and a red tulip. Its so wrong that you aren't here, i miss you so nobody will never understand the screams within me, the loss the anger i feel and the plain nothingness without my angel,You were always angel to gramma.Crying and begging God to bring you back doesn't do any good because He hasn't brought you back and i know God can do anything. I love you my beautiful little pusskin.Does God call you pusskin or angel or cuddlebum? You are so specail, my everything i love you for all time angel child.
july 30,2015:Precious angel:I have no place to put my tears.they don't ever stop just keep comiong as my soul cries for you.i look out the sunroom window and touch your crayon markings and wonder what you thought at the moment or if you thought at all you were playing not knowing there was no more,i treasure every second of out time tyogether.i see you running outside,sitting in your sandbox,opening and closing the door on your winnie the pooh house,your castle door,you loved opening and closing doors, turning the ligts off, You were standing by your swing set at the table putting sand into little containers and blowing bubbles, i see you on your swing on your tummy spinning, sitting under it playing, sitting on the glider with sara and i would sit on the treehouse stairs and wave and clap my hands and talk to you, your beautiful little boy smile would fill my heart with sunshine but God took my sunshine away and there is only forever darknes that will never go away in this world,i cry to God but nothing..i am alone . I miss you sweet boy..and i cry and cry and nobody answers for you are not here my sweet little baby bear,,i love you for all time and more.
August 1.2015:Precious angel: I miss you so very much.Nothing makes sense.MY heart is so broken yet it still keeps breaking more and more so many pieces everywhere inside of me.Emptiness everywhere.Oh sweet baby how i long for you. You should be here.not me.God didn't hear me.I have no business in this world without you.The effort required id tremendous.I love you little one my angel grammas baby bear.
August 4,2015:Precious angel"Sylena,sara and i went to your spot. We brought some books,crayons, a rose solar light for you.Sara planted the flowers we brought last time. I miss you sweet boy, the earth was cracked,broken and i thought maybe God finally heard my prayer and was bringing you back to us,to me.We used to sing "together we will be. you and me, forever u will see. The siamesecat song from sristrcats. Yet, i am here in a nothing place that will always be empty and you are in heaven with God.We are seperated and i don't even begin to understand any of this, it makes no sense.I tried so hard little puss in many ways but it wasn't enough for you are not here and emptiness and nothing surrounds me the rest of my life for my little boy is not in my arms . i miss you sweet angel, my baby bear.my little one.
August 7,2015:Precious angel: Gramma misses you all the time.i look at your pictures on the walls and touch them.I look at your pictures on my phone every night before i go to sleep.i have nothing else for i can't hold you, or feel your little hand in mine, see your blue eyes smiling at me knowing everything was ok because i was with you.But something went wrong that i will neer understand, this makes no sense it never will.You aren't here ,i can't find you. we go to your spot every tuesday and bring things in your memory,things you can't play with but they are there. Nothing here but emptinews, nothing time that goes so slowly as i wait to be with you.There is nothing i want of this world but you.PLease God bring my precious little one back.You deserve life my beautiful sweet angel child.I love you and miss you more than words could ever express.
August 8,2015:Precious angel:You would be playing outside right now,You would have had every outside toy possible,Everything was for you.I looked and looked for the perfect toys for you so you could play, be happy have fun.What are you doing in heaven you are meant to be here with me, with your family.I miss you sweet boy,every second of the day and night my heart cries out to you. There are no answers, there is nothing without you.I love you my sweet pusskin always and forever.
August 10,2015:Precious angel: I think about you all the time,nothing but you.I dreamed about you last night you came back and my heart was filled with joy,i went out to buy you clothes and food,strawberry babyfood and pizza goldfish.I know it was just a dream but it felt so real,then i woke up and i was still in hell.I miss you always.My cries to God have not been heard.He has the power to bring you back to me.I will never understand. Nobody understands and i only have my memories and pictures that don't touch back.I love you little one like no other has ever been loved.
August 11,2015:Sylena ,sara and i went to your spot this morning,. brought an orange solar rose ,a kia lan book with crayons.I always write you a little note inside i know you can't see it now,but i am hoping when i am in heaven with you we can read them together and you will remember my love for there is nothing in my life ever again for you were my everything and now ther eis nothing.I miss you sweet boy.How big you would have been now, i am so sorry i really tried little one but it wasn't enough i love you so my beautiful sweet angel child.
august 14,2015:precious angel: Always you are in my heart, my mind, my soul.it was nice yesterday and i looked outside and everything was just there but you weren't here there wasn't any bubbles floating around.i always made sure you had bubbles when we went outside so you could blow them,so i could blow them.i would sit on the side of the driveway and blow bubbles for you as sara pushed you on your trike around and around the driveway,you would drive through the bubbles, always for you sweet boy,only you. I was so careful with you, always you had blanket around you on the bed when i got your bottles, always watching you. Yet you are not here and i am stuck in this nothing place crying,screaming for God to return my beautiful baby angel,Oh sweet ,precious angel ,always in my heart and soul.i love you.
August 17,2015:Precious angel: There is only you in my heart,i cry and cry.nobody hears..where is God? My soul screams in anguish day and night with missing my beautiful boy.If anyone deserved life it was you for you were totally innocent, never asked for anything my precious sweet angel. My life is nothing without you.i sit and wait for the time when i can be with you.i am putting in time in a place that i don't want to be i want to be where you are in heaven with God,i miss you so much.All has been taken and i am very tired.I love you my little cuddlebum, my pusskin , my angel bear.
August 18,2015: Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.I brought a red solar rose for you there.My thoughts are always you sweet boy,never anything else.You were, are my everything and this time i spend without you is forever,endless nothing time for you are not here,how can this be,,i will never understand or move on for there is nothing without me, each day i ask God to bring you back, He can have me, How could He allow this knowing the complete loss in my heart and soul? Why didn't He take my useless life and let you live my precious child? I love you sweet boy with an everlasting love and such deep regret that you are not here.I tried so hard, i miss you so much little one.When i see kids i wonder why there are here and you are not,why? Who decides, who allows? I look at the kids and think you would be that size,you should be here holding my hand, riding your bike,picking flowers adventuring but you are not and my soul cries.I love you little angel boy always and forever you are all that is in my heart.
August 25,2015:Precious angel: Sara,sylena and i went to your spot.Sara brought a book and i brought a red rose solar light and a wind up music box with a bear holding a little child,sara wound up the music box so it played music. It's getting colder now and school is starting.I am so sorry little puss,you never got to go to school. i tried so hard but failed.you were meant to be a boy, to play. how you liked to play the organ, i always told you would be involved in music,i told you the dr would make you ok. i told you everything would be alright and it wasn't. my beautiful little angel boy isn't here. I miss you little one every second of the day and night.Every breathing moment. I love you my cuddlebum more than anything,and i miss you so,
August 26,2015:Precious angel;I miss you so much, there is never a moment when i don't.i touch your pictures and i only feel the paper.i don't feel the softness of your curls, the warmth of you skin,,your heart beating on mine.I reach for you and you aren't here. I know you would be here if you could an d i ask God each day to return my precious baby boy and there is nothing .I know time goes on but it stopped for me when it stopped for you.i hate this life without you and i sit and think of you always and my heart keeps beating when it shouldn't. there is only always and forever my little boy. my angel boy..little pusskin ..and the tears that will never end.i love you my beautiful, precious boy,
August 31,2015:Precious angel:Another summer without you, i miss you so much my angel boy, my pusskin,baby bear..This is so wrong.why do other children get to be here and you are not..i cry and cry and i don't get any answers i tried so hard to make sure you had everything and more love than anyone can ever comprehend yet you aren't here and i am in hell every day..why did God take you and not me..my life has nothing no meaning..darkness and complete loss..i know you are with God but you can't play with your toys you can't be a little boy.I miss you so much and my heart and soul are screaming i love you little one always and forever.
September 1,2015:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your resting spot.We brought a large flowering pot of purple fall flowers.Mary, our neighbour gave me ten dollars for you to bring something and we put that towards your plant. Sara put the solar flowers in the plant to make it pretty and to light up at night so there is some light.I always try to bring a solar rose to add to your light up things.I know it is just your body there and that your spirit is with God and my family but the beautiful little boy that i held in my arms is buried in the ground in a box and i can't stand the thought that you are in darkness..there was no darkness in you you were light so bright my sweet angel boy..this is so unfair,God did not have to allow this tragedy. i pray each day for God to bring you back.There must be something wrong with my faith for you are not here.I don't understand any of it.I hate seeing the kids in the store and my angel isn't there .I love you and miss you so much little one nobody will ever understand how much i love you always and forever little one.I love you.
september 5,2015:precious angel: It was windy today and i thought of how we blew bubbles and you would drive your bikes through them and how they would fly over our house.you loved bubbles, we made sure you always had bubbles for outside.Round and round you would go on your bike with sara pushing you.You wouldn't get off your bike unless she went over the driveway line. You are so special little one..there is nothing but you for me forever and always and my heart and soul cry out to God daily for my precious baby ..why i can't stand this..so much time and i am here without you when i could be with you.I miss you so much. Is anyone calling you cuddlebum or pusskin in heaven do you remember you are my angel i love you so much i can't stop the tears and i am stuck here without you. I miss you so much my angel boy..i love you for all time you are my heart and soul.
september 8,2015:Precious angel:Today was the first day of school but my little one isn't here..you're supposed to be going to school today,playing, learning yelling being a boy discovering the world.This is wrong.INstead sylena,sara and i went to your spot.We brought a book,crayons and two solar lights.We pulled up grass..you shouldn't be there, you are meant to be here with me with sara with your family.I miss you so very much my beautiful boy.You have a right to be here with us to be loved.I love you sweet boy more than anything..always and forever.I miss you so..i am so sorry little one i am so sorry.I love you sweet angel forever and always you are my everything.
september 10.2015:Precious angel:I miss you so much.there was so much you were meant to do, so much we were meant to do together,There is only missing you always,nothing more ever,It should have been me not my beautiful boy with your life ahead of you.So many things you didn't get to do and i can't stop the screaming inside of me.*I msee you kneeling in the driveway counting your apples while i am watching you,beside you.i see you running in the yars throwing the leaves over your head,laughing being a boy and in a sec it was all taken your life and mine in a different way.My heart is beating but i can't feel yours beating on mine so mine beats for nothing as i put in time here waiting to be with you.What is this plan of Gods'? i will never understand ..life could have been so beautiful for you and me and now it is broken and it can never be fixed, it will never be ok again for i can't feel your hand in mine or se eyour beautiful smile..i can only sit here and do nothing, There is no more room for tears..ther eis nothing i love you my angel baby..always,forever this is but you,my sweet cuddlebum,my pusskin..i love you.
september 14.2015:Precious angel: I miss you so much,day and night,all the time.i look for you . there are no words to express the extent of my missing you.there is nothing but you.everyone was here yesterday but my angel was missing.What are you doing in heaven? Do you remember this world..or will you remember when i see you and we can be togehter again? I am so sorry little one..my sweet,beautiful boy..gramma tried so hard..forgive me for fail;ing in taking care if you.,.every second was for you, i loved to watch you play..to be happy to be you..never was there a more beautiful spirit than yours..I love you sweet boy for all time..you are my everything..i love you little one.
september 15,2015:Precious angel:sara,sylena and i went to your spot..we brought a sesame st.big bird..you loved sesame street especially elmo,,elmos cookbook,,you would watch that one over and over again you liked to watch the same shows over and over and would always laugh in the same place..you loved the wiggles the best especially rock a bye your bear you would sing the words and do the motions ..you were so smart little one..i miss you so very much..we brought a solar rose..i like to bring those for you as they will be bright in the winter so there will be light in the darkness on your spot..i know you are with G od..daily i ask Him to bring my little angel back and i wait..i love you little one..my little pusskin..my baby bear..my angel bear..always and forever in my heart and soul..i love you.
september 20,2015:Precious angel; i miss you so much always every second day and night my thoughts are of you,only you.this will never change for you are my angel boy..my love..sara would have been getting your things this weekend..i always look for you ask God to bring you back,I believe God can but doesn't want too.. .I think of all the videos you loved..the apples you picked and counted the daisies you picked for me and pulled the petals off.the sand that ran through your fingers..your thomas trains..kinder eggs, crayons..only you little one and my heart cries and i don't get any answers as i wait here putting in endless time till we can be together again with you in my arms singing twinkle star and itsy bitsy spider your twinklers your smiles your love..i love you little angel always and forever,
september 21.2015:Precious angel: I still can't understand the reasons for this terrible thing..why you..why just like that..why not me...? i miss you so much..i see only you in my heart and soul each day..there is nothing else now or ever..each day is more of nothing for i can't hold you in my arms..watch you play sing..be a boy my beautiful angel child..the tears will never stop i have no place to put them..i cry and cry and the silent screams within me, the prayers in my soul have changed nothing..i love you little pusskin my sweet angel child.
september 22,2015>Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot today.we brought a rose solar light,a book and a little hot wheels car.For the winter we will make a bouquet out of all your solar lights to shine brightly. No light can ever shine as brightly a you my sweet boy..i was so careful with you,always car3eful.gentle there was only you,now is only you even though you aren't here there is nothing ion my heart but you..i go to reach for you and nothing..i miss you so pusskin you are supposed to be here not me..please God bring our little one back..i love you baby boy always and forever ,
september 23.2015:Precious angel:I miss you so very much.i want to hold you and feel the beating of your little heart on mine..to feel your hand in mine..to see you smile and hear you laugh.i sit and put my arms out hoping to feel you for real not just in a memory..you are supossed to be here with me with us,,now i am surrounded by emptiness, by nothing for my angel boy isn't here..why God why this precious little one..why couldn't you make everything ok..we prayed each morning..i tried so hard but i failed oh Lord bring my sweet baby back..i love you little pusskin always and forever there is only you little one.
september 28.2015.Precious angel: I miss you always.last night you would have been running around watching the supermoon...playing..i i imagine what we would be doing..what you would be doing..how you would smell the changing seasons..fresh cut grass.hear the birds singing..see the sunshine and the rain and snow sparkling in the winter..so much adventuring..being a boy and then my heart breaks into many pieces knowing you are not here to be with me..to be you...i am here doing nothing ..never anything again for my beautiful little sweet boy is gone and the only thing i look forward to each week is going to the cemetery to visit your spot to bring a little something..this is all wrong and i can't fix it and God isn't hearing me..my pain..my never ending emptiness without you..the power of God could bring you back into my empty arms and i wait and wait to see your beautiful baby face..i love you lttle one..always and forever my angel boy.
september 29,2015Precious angel: Sylena and i went to your spot.We brought the last solar rose light and an iglee piggle jenny gave me for you.Next time we will bring all your care bears and put them on your light post to be there for the winter.You loved those care bears and snuggled them all in your arms..you are loved little one more than all love can encompass and then some.I am so sorry puss you should be here in my arms..there is not a second that goes by that i don't think of you..you were are my everything..i love you little one..with a never ending love for eternity you are my sweet angel boy....
october 2,2015:Precious angel: THis is so wrong..everything is wrong..i miss you so much little one..there is you and only you.i am so sorry not a second goes by that you do not fill my thoughts,my heart and soul..i am here and you are not..i shouldn't be here..you should be..i want more than these beautiful memories i want my sweet little pusskin,my cuddlebum in my arms rocking you, holding you, lovinf you..to feel your heartbeat on mine together..i used to say to you.. together we will be, me qnd you forever you'll see me and you. but we aren't ..i miss you ..i love you my precioud boy..and i pray each day for God to bring you back because i know He can ,He is God..but He doesn't hear me..or the tears of my heart//i love you my angel.
october 6,2015:precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.the leaves are changing colour and as we are driving i think that you are not seeing the beauty of nature,,you are not here but i am and it should be you here..not me..my beautiful boy my heart and soul never stop crying..i never stop thinking about you..there is only you always and forever my angel child.we brought a solar rose and crayons..for the winter we will gather all the solar flowers together to shine brightly over your spot..i love you liottle one grammas little cuddlebum.
october 8,2015:Precious angel: I miss you so much..i look outside i think we would all be playing in the leaves ,raking, being together you and me and all of us.there is nothing here without my sweet angel baby..you were my life..my precious gift,my miracle..my little love and now there are only memories now and a slowness and emptiness of time..with no concept of life..you were my life...i love you angel boy always and forever you are grammas everything../
october 11.2015:Precious angel: Another thanksgiving without you..i imagine you are here but you are not..i miss you so much.you are missing from our pictures..though sara holds your picture so there is a picture of all of us. This is wrong..i can't make it right..God won't take me for you.I ask Him every day to bring my sweet angel boy back into my arms but He hasn't as yet..i know He can because He is God,,but you aren't here.Your outside toys came back into the back yard,,almost a joke the toys came back but you didn't..my heart felt shredded into so may useless poeces of nothing..i see you playing with the toys being lifted up to slide down going ON YOUR BUM,I SEE YOU OPENING AND CLOSING THE DOORS OF YOUR HOUSES THE CADTLE, WINNIE POOH HOUSE..PUTTING SAND INTO LITTLE CONTAINERS,THROWING THE LEAVES UP IN THE AIR WATCHING THEM FALL ON YOUR HEAD..MY PRECIOUS LIUTTLE PUSSKIN HOW I LOVE YOU. I SCREAM INSIDE AND NOBody hears,There is only you sweet boy now and always the child of my heart..i love you sweet angel.
October 13,2015:precious angel: Sara, sylena and i went to your spot..it was raining..we brought sesame street characters sara had picked up and i brought a box of crayons..how you loved elmo's cookbook,,you watched it over and over again..you watched all your shows over and over and always laughed in the same place..my sweet boy..i miss you so much..how can this be that you are in heaven and i am here without you, you should be here being a boy..i am so sorry angel boy,,this is so wrong..i love you pusskin, my cuddlebum..we used to do piggies and tickle your couychie coos..it's almost halloween and i look at your halloween pictures,,i don't want to see all the kids i want to see you..i love you sweet boy always and forever i am your gramma and soon i can be with you,just to see your beautiful face ...and to gaze into your eyes..to let you know how very much i love you..each and every day my heart is full of tears with no place to go but God does not see or hear ..i love you angel..alway
October 17,2015: Precious angel: i miss you so much.almost halloween and you are supposed to be all excited about trick or treating..there should be laughter and decorations and halloween kinder eggs and toys and costumes,but ther eis only a never ending silence and a coldness,,a nothing everywhere,,no sweet little boy playing..having fun opening kinder eggs looking for surprises, no little boy jumping in leaves..there is nothing..i miss you little one and cry constantly in my heart and soul for the life you should have had..my life is worth nothing and i am here while God allowed yours to end. I hate halloween, christmas holidays where i only have memories and pictures and not my angel on my lap.with me in my arms..you loved to watch the huffa lump with tiger and tigers halloween..so much that isn't anymore and i can't understand why..i am so sorry little puss there was only you in my heart then and now forevermore..my baby angel boy i love you,
October 20.2015; precious angel: i am trying this again as what i wrote seemed to disappear.Sara, sylena and i went to your spot today; It is a day where sara should have been going shopping to buy things for you but instead we brought things to your resting place. We brought a small globe, crayons, a picture of you with care bears,,christmas care bears..hanging down the side and i put them on your light post.I miss you so much little one..my heart will always be broken..i can't stand this, it is almost halloween and there are no costumes..no little boy running around excited to go trick or treating..just other kids who are alive who will be having fun and my angel isn't here..the screams within me are silent ones for nobody can hear them but God..please Lord bring my baby back,,i l ove you my sweet puss always and forever..you are mine.
October 24,2015:Precious angel: You loved playing in the leaves, i se eyou in my mind buti reach out and nothing. i know you could be here if you could for you would never lerave my angel child.You were , are everything to me..ther eis nothing but you, how i hate halloween and christmas..you are meant to be here..my innocent ,sweet boy..everything is wrong..the rain keeps falling and doesn't stop time keeps going on and doesn't stop and i am here without you..i love you little one and miss you more than anyone understands..i love you angel boy.
October 25,2015:Precious angel: My heart and soul is crying out to you,i miss you so.everyone will be here but no angel boy..God almighty hear my cries and bring my baby back.i love you little sweet angel..
October 27,2015:Precious angel:Sylena, sara and i went to ur spot,i brought a solar rose light and we brought 2 stakes that were taller to put some of your lantern lights on for the winter.How is it possible my angel baby is in the ground..where is your smiling face, my angel clapping..playing running watching tv...singing doing itsy bitsy spider..how you loved that one and your twinklers for twinkle star.I am so sorry little one..you should be here not me i have lived a very long life aND yours was just beginning..it is unfair and i ask God every day to make a miracle to bring you back,,i miss you so much..i hate seeing other kids when i can't see you..i love you little one , my precious baby angel...always and forever you are grammas little love, my everything.i miss you so,
October 28,2015:Precious angel: I miss you so much. i look at your pictures and cry .My little boy how big you would be now,excited for trick or treat.You are supposed to be here, making cookies, ghosts, pumpkins but you didn't get to do any of that. I am so sorry sweet boy, my little cuddlebum..is there anyone in heaven holding you close are you in marthas arms..you should be in mine..i love you and i can't take much more of this..this is all for nothing without you..i love you my mjiracle baby..my sweet pusskin.
November 1,2015:Precious angel.I miss you so much.this is all wrong..you weren't here to go trick or treat..sara gave out candy but she was supposed to be taking you out and i was supposed to take pictures of you laughing, excited over your new adventures,I remember one year trying to find a pumpkin for your treats and there just weren't any.YOu weren't interested in candy..you loved the tiger halloween movie..so may videos you would always laugh in the same place.I am so sorry little one..my life for yours why did God allow this..my life is nothing yours was everything..now it's gone and we have nothing left..i miss you my angel boy and love you with an all encompassing love that will never end..ther eis only you, always only you.
November 3.2015: Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot.We brought a smurf,crayons and a little hotwheels car.You loved the smurfs movies..christmas smurfs..how you loved to clap your hands and wave them around when you heard music..you loved music and i always said you would conduct an orchastra.So many things you didn't get to do.i am so sorry little one..This should be your time to be a boy..it would have been so good,You were my everything always , forever there is only little angel in my heart and soul.I miss you so much pusskin..my sweet little cuddlebum,,grama loves you like no other and my heart screams to God to bring my baby back,,i love you angel boy,
November 4,2015:Precious angel:I am missing you every second always..i see only you..i need to go back in time to get you..all i can think of is you..i found a thomas toy today..i used to press the differnt spots to play thomas songs and you pressed them,You would be in your chair or i was pushing you in your car,,and we would play and i would give you drinks and snack.s.y angel i love you,
November 8,2015:Precious angel;Always you are in my heart,my soul,my memories ,my constant thoughts of you and only you.How much you would have grown by now..learned,understood,loved and it was all taken away..where is the God i always loved and trusted my pleas fall on deaf ears..we were always told there was no pain in heaven and that is correct as we don't have bodies any more to have pain..i know sweet boy you are i heaven with God my family but you are not here and your life was stolen..i am so sorry pusskin anything i would give to have u in my arms to see your beautiful little boy face,,i miss you so much little one..my cries are unheard and the tears have no place to go..I love you my pusskin,my cuddlebum,,does anyone in heaven know to call you angel that that was my name for you for you were the perfect gift my sweet boy our miracle baby only to be taken from me from us..there are no words only endless pain and nothing but empty time that i watch go by crying for my beautiful,perfect boy..i love you little angel of my heart.
November 10.2015: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,We brought a christmas angel.i tied it to your post..an angel for my beautiful angel: Little one the weather is nice and i cry for all this time you could have been growing, playing, learning, being a boy..it is almost your b day..you would have been seven..why why God..why did you allow this..nothing can happen unless You allow it.I watch the birds outside and their hearts beat yet yours does not and i scream inside for it's not fair..why...God in heavene bring my baby back or turn back time..all is in Your power yet my heart and soul have never ending tears..i love you so much my baby boy..no greater love on this earth than my love for you yet it wasn't enough.i watched you so carefully yet my sweet baby is now in heaven..i love you little one with a never ending infinite love..my special little miracle you deserved more.
November 13:2015Precious angel: I miss you so much all the time i see nothing but you and my heart cries and cries and God doesn't hear me..my baby boy i love you . not a sec goes by that you are not in my thoughts, my memories..you are my all in all and i am alone now there is nothing..it's snowing but you can't see the snowflakes..what i thought to be beautiful at one time now is as nothing you should be seeing this..why do all the birds have heartbeats and i can't hear yours or feel your body next to mine..your little hand in mine..the smiles in your sleep when i touched your face..your laughter there is nothing but vast emptiness everywhere and time going nowhere..oh my angel boy anything i would give to you for you and now nothing..i love you sweet boy..always and forever.
November 16,2015:Precious angel: My heart screams for you, the tears surround me in a nothing place as i think of you constantly..you would be almost seven my beautiful ,handsome boy,,why i don't get this i know my existence has no value but yours was so wonderful and special..you were truly airacle baby and had your whole life ahead of you only to have it taken away..oh little one you were are the light of my life ther eis only you and as it gets closer to your birthday and christmas i have to holed on so tightly for ther eis emptiness and darkness without you,i miss you so little one my precious ,sweet little pusskin, child of my heart,
November 17,2015:Precious angel> Sylena.sara and i went to your spot today.We brought a pine tree plant, i put some crayons and a little car in it,And three flashing solar lights, You would have like dthem, When we had some battery christmas lights you sat in your chair and pulled all the lights off..you loved christmas lights and christmas music,especially "away in a manger" we played it over and over again on the computer when you were born, I wanted you to hear music..you loved music your videos rock a bye your bear..itsy biy spider finger people, always music ,videos, i miss you so much,,you were so smart..so beautiful, so precious to me i love you angel boy yesterday,today and forever you are my sweet little cuddlebum and my heart keeps breaking over and over.
November 23.2015:Precious angel?Grmma misses you so much..i see only you in my memories and the screaming within me gets louder and more frantic andi am lost in the emptiness and nothingness of time without you.I tried little one but i failed as youa re not here..everything i did i did for you there was and is only you.As your birthday approaches, i can't stand this..sp many things you would have done, would be doing and now nothing..nobody buys presents for your b day..christmas..i bring what i can each week when we go to the cemetery i bring something for you..my miracle baby and now youa re not here but with God..you are supposed to be here growing but you are not..just me stuck in a time where i can't go any where i am here with your memories such precious beautiful memories of you and i reach for you and i can't feel you, my life stopped when yours did why the hell didn't God take me instead..everything has been so difficult and nobody cares i just want to be with you..i love you my beautiful, sweet boy always and forever you are my heart and soul.I love you angel
November 24,201`5:Precious angel:Sylena and i went to your spot.We brought a dora christmas book and some little cars..i try and pick out ones you would have liked.I miss you so much little one. the cries of my heart and soul go unheard..so many things you would be doing this christmas..from crafts to cookies..but not just christmas a week till your b day..how happy we all were at your birth you were our little miracle..my angel..but God took you back four years later and i will neer be able to pick up the millions of pieces that i call my heart..you are loved beyond measure..and missed always..you are my angel..i love you pusskin.
NOVember 27,2015: precious angel: I miss you so much.i wake up all through the night and reach foryou. i would touch your little baby face and you would smile and i would fall asleep holding your hand..i always kept one hand on you so i could feel you breathing..i was so careful but i lost you anyway..my sweet boy there is nothing in my life there was only you..where is God to allow this terrible thing..you are missing your seventh birthday..you are missing and my heart will never be whole again till i am with you in heaven..your birhtday christmas..i don't know how i can do this again without you..i imagine how you would look what you would be doing now and there is no place for tears yet they never stop..my beautiful little cuddle bum does anyone call you the names i id in heaven you are my beautiful angel baby always forever i love you pusskin.
November 29,2015Precious angel: I watched a video of you when you were about two playing the organ.How you loved music you would press the keys and dance and listen so perfectly..so smart so beautiful..i am so sorry little one you should be here with me my life for yours in a heartbeat..my precious baby boy my heart is gone theres nothing left to break,,it's done i can't breathe with the pain of your loss why God why...why could You not have helped made things better allowed this little perfect child to live..my life was only worth something in my care of him,,he was my everything ..let my little boy know he is always in my thoughts..never a forgotten moment..my precious ,sweet baby i cry for you.i love you so.
December 1.2015: Precious angel: It is almost your seventh birthday.My heart is broken,dead..crying reaching for my beautiful boy.Your birth was such a miracle..you fought so hard to live and you are gone.Does God make a special day for you? Why did He allow your death..my little,sweet love..i can't bear this..you are not in my arms..there is no laughter..no smiles..no cuddles no nothing for you are not here in this world anymore and i am waiting..i love you sweet pusskin grammas little cuddlebum,,i love you so,
Cecember 2.2015Precious angel.YOu are seven years old today my beautiful little one..it';s your birthday.Please God remember his special day for it was so very special..our miracle baby...Angel boy you are my all in all we are going to your spot all of us to release lanterns and balloons to remember the best one of our lives i love you so little puss my heart and soul cry and cry i miss you sweet boy..i love you always forever there is no end to my love you are my precious angel.
December 2.2015:Precious angel: Sara. je4nny,josh,jody, sylena and shelly and i went o your spot for your birthday,We released lanterns, balloons and tied two special elmo balloons to your light post,I brought a snowman solar light you would have liked it all.You loved balloons..you always had them for your birthday..the cats liked to play with them too,,your last birthday you threw your dora balloon downstairs becuase fluff y wouldn't stop playing with it,,you loved to let them hit the ceiling so they would play music. im so sorry little one tht you are not here..you were merant to be and nothing is any good anymore for my angel baby isn't here to clap his hands,,to sing..to play to be a boy just me in nothing time..crying for my angel.I love you so much my little cuddlebum,,
December 5,2015Precious angel: I miss you so much.I am so sorry little one that you are not here,my thoughts are always and forever of you,only you, there is nothing here without you,.time keeps moving forward,the birds sing outside and all i can think about is that your heart is not beating but the birds hearts are and how can my God allow the death of my beautiful boy when the birds are so alive.My baby my angel boy..always you were are angel to gramma..alays my miracle my love my life..now i only have the memories we had together i always told you together we would be forever you and me and now you are not here i am so sorry.why does my heart beat and yours does not..my heart is in so may pieces and it still beats to nothing for you were my everything and nothig can ever make things ok again,i love you sweet puss feel my love for it is only for you my angel boy,i love you little one and my soul cries.
December 8,2015Precious angel: Sylena and i went to your spot,we brought a little car and a reindeer whose nose lights up when u press the foot.I was told your spot lights up well in the dark with your lights.Oh baby boy how my heart breaks and cries for this wrong..for my little angel boy who wanted to live.I don't understand why when you were so beautiful and full of life why you are not here.Almost christmas and my little sweet cuddlebum isn't here,No little boy no nothing..oh angel i am so sorrty you should be here being a little boy..i miss you so .The hurt never goes away how could it for there is nothing without you.Empty time nothing ,8i love you little one for alltime.
December 11.2015:Precious angel:How i miss you.I wait and wait for God to bring you back,but he refuses to hear me een though i believe He can do all things,,you were ripped out of my life and time makes no difference..my heart and soul are always in a state of nothing wanting my sweet boy..to see you playing, running being a boy..is all i ever wanted for yu to be happy to adventure..i got such great pleasure 3watching you play..touching your little face while you slept next to me so beautiful so everything now nothing,,i miss you so much..my sweet angel boy..always youw ere grammas angel.always in my heart..always a part of me..i love you little one and nothing can ever hold back my tears for they will forever fall, I love you angel always and forever my little cuddlebum,
December 11.2015:Precious angel:You should be here decorating the christmas tree..running around it..sitting in your rocking chair under the tree watching the twinkling lights listening to christmas music..so many favorites..away in a manger..we played it constantly when you were born for months..seven years ago at this time all you heard was away in a manger..and all songs mixed together. we were so happy,,you in my arms cuddled so warmly..i always kept a little hat on your head so you wouldn't get a chill..i am so sorry..so sorry why didn't God take me instead,,all was for you..yet i failed you for you are not here there is no tree..ever again for there is no joy you were my never ending joy but it ended and now i face an emptiness that is forevr with me for my baby is not here there is no merry in christmas for you were my everything..always and forever know you were, are the child of my heart.i love you little angel for all eternity.
December 14,2015Precious angel:I miss you so very much.i don't have any words left..my reality is wrong..this path isn't right.yu are not here and you should be.how happy we all would be with you laughing and playing being a boy..i am so sorry i missed that there was something wrong inside of you,it never entered my mind..you were you, you didn't have to be like anyone else..my special little christmas miracle..now you are not here and i don't believe in miracles anymore..there is no greater love than i had for you, always have for you..i look for you but you aren't here and God doean't hear me,,i hope He is good to you in heaven i want to know you are special in heaven as you were here as you always will be..but you were meant to be here with me for me to love beyond measure..i love you angel and my heart cries all the time for my sweet boy who deseareved to have a life..i am sorry sweet pusskin,,always forever my heart.
December 15,2015Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,We brought a thomas train,hot wheels cars, christmas ornament, thomas train bank and a large snow globe.You would have loved watching the snow inside of it.You would have loved everything..you loved everything..and my beautiful boy you were love itself..no greater love than the love i have for you..how my heart cries that you are not here..it's wrong so wrong so unfair..you wee our christmas miracle..all was for you all was you and now i am lost crying for this precious little boy..i love you little angel always and forever in my heart,
December 18.2015 Precious angel..my beautiful little boy..my thoughts my heart everything longs for you reaches out to you..the tears make lakes and rivers and have no place to go why why God my little ,sweet innicent child..was ther enot enough Lord why this little one..the joy of my heart my soul..why not take me and leave angel here to be with others let him live why lord..there are no answers..he had a right to be a boy and to grow up..there was so much love surrounde dby love like no other yet he isn't here and i wait wait to be with him..never will i feel his baby body in my arms..his little habd clutching mine his breath on my face..see his looks of love..watch him play..now just empty time and as others celebrate christmas i drown in nothubgness for my anel isn't here and i am and i shouldn't be..i miss you pusskin so much..and pray God sees you as special for you were so special to me then and now ..i love you my little cuddlebum.
December 20.2015Precious angel: Gramma is crying for you..i remember how you would pick each video on my phone each night when we went to bed..the night before christmas..u loved that..fisher price record player..music boxes..lwiggles red car..twinkle little star and you would do your twinklers..as long as i am her ei am without you..you were my e4verything..my all in all my life..each christmas..each day is harder..baby boy ther eis no greater love than the love i have for you..i am so sorry little one..this is so wrong..i miss you sweet boy...i love you child of my heart...
December 22,2015:Precious angel: we didn't get to go to your spot as sylena had to work,I look forward to going there every week,,it's the only thing i do and wait for is going to ytour resting place every tuesday..my heart and soul will never stop crying for my beautiful boy..you should be enjoying the holiday season watching snowflakes as they fall through the sky..so much my precious angel..i love you my words fail me for my pain is never ending..this is wrong snd my prayers remain unanswered..God does not hear the cries within me for you have not come back,,i love you little pusskin child of my heart.
Caleb-Jussi Heath (Piispanen)
N
February 23,2015: I am trying this again, it didn't work before, Precious angel, There is never a time when you are not in my thoughts, my heart, my soul. I miss you so. I wonder what you would be doing now, you would be in school adventuring with your mother, you would come home to me laughing, running, playing and i would make lunch for you. I tried little one, my beautiful boy, how i miss you, i am so sorry, i scream to GOd but you are not here and i am stuck in this nothing place wiaitng to be with you. love you sweet pusskin, today, yesterday tomorrow, for ever, for eternity, i love you my precious angel boy.
February 24,2015: Precious little angel:Sara, sylena and i went to your spot this morning. It wwas snowing, snowflakes that you didn't get to see. We brought a lion type stuffie, a little red monkey and sara found a little book you liked to look at .You loved your smurfs books, cailiou, dora, diego and so much more.What would you have liked now..i don't know. I am so sorry my sweet boy, i pray and pray and ask God for your return, i believe God can if He wants too..you are my life little one, ther eis nothing now but endless time without you. I miss you so my sweet boy. Angel i love you more than everything, i love you pusskin.
February 27,2015: MY precious angel: I am missing you so much. There is no light inside of me anymore, only darkness, for you were the light of my soul .I touch your pictures and don't feel the warmth of your body or see the brightness of your smile, ther eis nothing, i don't understand and i never will and time doesn't make anything easier, you will always be my everything. I don't like to see children, what right do others have to be here and not my beautiful angel boy, I am so sorry little one, i tried and it wasn't enough, my life for yours sweet boy, ask God to come back and He can have me. I love you my sweet angel, always, forever, there is only my baby angel.
March 1,2015: Precious angel: The birds were singing outside our room this morning but you weren't here to hear them. I hate the sound without you and i used to sit and listen to the birds and take delight in nature. Now, my soul cries constantly to God who doesn't seem to hear me. This is so wrong where is my beautiful little boy so full of innocence and joy? Why Lord why ? Were my sins so great that my precious angel was taken? I tried God knows i did. Humanity got in the way, why Lord did you bother with this world to only have never ending pain. I love you precious angel and i am getting so tired of waiting to be with you, you are my everything and no one will ever understand the depth of this nothing place. I love you sweet pusskin. I hope you are playing with God and with marthas baby boy.
March 3.2015: Precious angel: How i miss you, not a second goes by, i go over and over what happened and i still don't understand. I don't understand how my beautiful boy isn't here and i am. How can this world continue when there is nothing left. I miss your beautiful smile, your little giggles when you were watching your videos, i miss everthing, i miss my precious lilltle angel, and my angel you were and always will be till God brings you back or releases me from this never ending agony. I love you little one so very much.
March 7.2015: Precious angel: I don't know what you look like now, i try to imagine but it isn't there, i see you as you were, my beautiful,innocent boy, becoming a boy, beginning to understand. You had so little of this life but you had all my time aND LOVE AND IT WASN'T ENOUGH, I AM SO SORRY PRECIOUS ONE. yOU ARE MY SOUL. MY HEART. nOW THER EIS NOTHING, THERE ARE TOO MANY HOURS IN THE DAY, I CAN'T GET RID OF THE TIME.This got stuck. I love you baby puss more than all.. there are no words. Please God be good to my angel for he is so precious, let him be special to you Lord, not just one of many. I love you sweet boy.
March 6,2015: I miss you so much, i am so sorry my angel baby. I tried so hard but it wasn't enough..i did try , everything was for you and yet no matter what you aren't here and never will be again, you didn't get to grow up, to go to school, to run and to play with friends, to adventure, to have a family. Everything is done now. I see you everywhere, i hold tight to every little memory. How i loved to watch you play, i loved everything about you, i love you. Love wasn't enough , you had all my love and so much more and i don't understand..i am sorry little one, my life for yours in a heartbeat.Where is God hiding to have taken such an innocent boy, so full of love and joy, so beautiful, the love of my life, my soul my heart. I love you sweet angel for all time.
March 11,2015: Baby angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot this morning. I brought your dora book and i put a note inside and a rose on the outside. I love you baby boy. All i can think of when we are there is that the little warm angel i held in my arms is in the ground in a box for me to never hold again. Never anything again but this endlessness that goes on forever. I am so sorry, you should be here being a child. There was so much love, so many things i didn't know, i tried little one and everything was for you. Now i do nothing for my sweet ,precious boy isn't here. Why did God allow this. I will never understand. I love you angel mine forever and ever.
March 16.2015:Precious angel: You are always and forever in my thoughts. There is nothing but you. The snow is melting and i see my beautiful boy riding his bike through bubbles i am blowing, i tried so hard to make everything perfect for you, i tried angel boy..i love you bey9nd all things yet you are not here with me. i MISS YOU SWEET ANGEL,so much..you are my heart and soul, nothing can ever fix what is now, i can't make time go back, i can't make God bring you back even though i truly believe He an but He has refused me. I love y6ou my sweet little pusskin always forever only you.
March 17, 2015: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today. We brought a solar an gel. I know your spirit, is with God and my family but i want there to be light around your body, i wish i could have some music too. How you loved music and liked to play the organ and dance, Now everything sits here doing nothing, there is nothing, oh little one my soul c ries to you at the unfairness of this all. Sara picked out a ceramic franklin turtle for you and we brought that, You loved franklin and arthur, you loved everything, now there is so much emptiness and time with nothing in it, you are missing, i miss you so much my precious little angel boy..i love you little sweetheart.
March 20.2015: Precious angel> My heart is crying for you, screaming at God, breaking at the injustice of this, march break and my little pusskin would have been on holidays and i would have made sure they were filled with so much laughter. I loved to just watch you play, loved everything that was you. there's not enough memories, i need God to bring you back or release me so i can be with you.So much that you should be doing now. I do nothing because you were my reason for living, this existence is nothing, and never will have anything for my sweet angel boy is missing. i love you angel.
March 24, 2015: Precious angel: Sara, sylena and i went to your spot. We brought to angel solar lights,I know your spirit is playing with God, i like to think thaT AND THAT GOD HOLDS YOU CLOSE TO HIS HEART AS I DID AND ALWAYS WILL. yOU ARE SO MISSED, THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE than my love for you, i tried i am so sorry sweetheart. There is nothing in my heart now, for it was filled with only you. Nothing else matters, you were, are my everything, i miss you so. I hate seeing kids riding their bikes down the street, i can't see you and i cry and nobody cares, why should anyone care, oh sweet puss your great gramma loves and misses you so much. The tears have no place to go, evrything is ov erflowing, sweet boy, know i love you and need you. \
march 27,2015: Precious angel. It is almost easter qand you aren't here, i can't fill your basket with thomas trains and kinder surprises. no stuffies, nothing..but thigns to bring to your spot. You can't play with them. I miss you so much my precious, beautiful boy. This is your second easter without you, it is nothing, you were supposed to be here with us, with me, in my arms, celebrating easter, playing, riding a new easter bike, oh my beautiful little boy my heart and soul are crying constantly for what you are missing, all the love in the universe wasn't enough and it should have been. nothing can atc h or contain the tears of this nothing life. i love you my sweet pusskin.
March 30,2015: Precious angel Baby: I sit on my bed and hold your piece of hair and feel it close to my face, but you aren't here and i can't find you, i can't feel the warmth of your body next to mine, your little hand holding mine, the beat of your heart. I pray and pray to God to bring you back for this is a mistake, my beautiful little, sweet boy, you should be here enjoying childhood but you are with God. I miss you so pusskin. I remember everything, there is nothing i do here that is not with a thought of you, I see you in the bathroom, filing the containers full of water till they went all over the floor, sliding into the tub, so many little things that filled my now empty heart to bursting. I am so sorry, my life for yours in a heartbeat, anything so you could have lived. Why didn't God hear my prayer, your prayer, you wee so perfect and special. I miss you sweet angel and love you for all time.
March 31, 2015: we are going to your spot soon. I want to hold you not leave you there in the ground. i would give anything to have you with me or to be with you in heaven. There is nothing in this world my sweet angel there was just you and this time seems to go by but goes nowhere, but brings me closer to you with each day. You should be here, you aren't here no eggs or easter hunts, you never really understood easter, the bunny or santa but you would have. oh baby boy i miss you and love you so.
March 31,2015:Sweet angel: Sara,sylena and i went to your spot. We brought a kinder stuffie. I just want to stay ther ewith you, even though i know your spirit is with God. God has so many with Him why my angel? Why..i will never understand my sweet angel, so beautiful why aren't you here? I cry and cry and it makes no difference God isn't caring. want you back here wher eyou belong. This is so wrong little one, i love you so , miss you beyond all things. I am angry at the sun for shinning, at the snowflakes, the singing of the birds, the children i see playing,. I want to see my angel.oh pusskin i am so sorry.i love you sweet baby for all time.
april 3,2015: Precious baby angel;This is the second easter you are not with us. There is no happy without you, time just sits and then it is gone, it has no meaning, never will again for my sweet baby isn't in my arms.I miss you little one each and every second of existing time.I am so sorry, sorry for not doing enough, i feel it is my fault you are not here, i know it is, and i am sorry, i tried angel, oh how i tried. Everything ws you and only you but i missed the most important, i didn't know things were not right inside of you, it never occurred to me,I miss you so much, i love you little pusskin, my cuddle bum. Know in heaven my love, my thoughts only dwell on you. i love you little angel boy for all time.
April 4,2015:Precious baby, how my heart calls out to you. There is no easter egg hunt, no science north nothing that we could be doing now. Now we are doing nothing. I am doing nothing, nothing forever till i am with my sweet angel boy. It's not enough to hold your hair in my hand and to remember, i miss you so much.I am so sorry baby boy . The tears keep going and never stop for i need my sweet angel. Oh puss i love you.
April 5,2015: Sweet angel;It's easter and my precious boy isn't here. I miss you sweetheart. This is wrong. everyone will be here i will take pictures,something we didn't do so much of us all together, sara will hold your picture as i take a picture, we are your family and i am so sorry you aren't here, i am angry, at what was meant to be and was taken away.You were, are my light, my life, my heart and soul and now ther eis nothing. Empty spaces that will never be filled again.Can you feel my love in heaven, or is the veil too thick. So much has been taken, i don't understand but sweet angel everything i did i did for you, i tried so hard but it wasn't enough. You should be eating your easter candy, bunnies and thomas trains, crayons, love, laughter and turkey.Family. Are you with my father and martha and all of them that went before.I love you sweet boy, my perfect, beautiful little pusskin, my cuddle bum.
April 5,2015: My angel: Everyones gone home now, but you weren't even here. i imagine you wlaking down the hall ,your easter basket swinging beside you full of kinder eggs, and everything your heart would have desired. Your last easter basket sits in the cupboard with the plates you ate from. I remember yoou sitting in your rocking chair opening your kinder eggs, you used to eat the chocolate and then you didn't want to anymore, oh sweetheart, my soul screams for you, my heart keeps breaking into little peices and God doesn't hear me.I miss you so much little one, i love you my angel child.
April 7,2015: We, sara, sylena and i went to your resting spot.We brought a yellow flower plant.The snow is almost gone there, we can see your solar lights now, and toys and books. These are things you should be able to see here, but my beautiful little one is not hee, how can God take an innocent child, one who was and is loved beyond measure, oh sweet puss i am so sorry, i hate seeing the sunshine, the snow melting, the snowflakes and the sound of birds singing, because you aren't here to see and to hear. Angel, my heart and soul cry out to God constantly. You should be making friends at school riding a new bike, counting easter candy, playing, having fun with me, i love you so angel baby and i miss you.
April 10,2015: Precious angel: I don't understand why this thing called time keeps going on when it should stop when your life here stopped. why am i here without you? Why aren't you here? This makes no sense , i am so sorry my sweet, beautiful angel boy. There is no greater love then what gramma has for you. How can God not hear my anguish, and bring you back. why can't He feel my pain and let me go to you? I love you so much my angel, nobody knows how my heart and soul cry out day and night for what you are not doing now, for the injustice. where is God's mercy. I love you sweet boy so very much, yesterday, today, tomorrow, you are my heart and soul.
April:14, 2015: Precious angel: sylena, sara and i went to your spot,all i could think of was that your body was down there under the slushy, wet ground, in the earth, my soul cries to God, yet i am still here, seperated from my beautiful little one.We brought a colour changing angel and sylena brought two kinder stuffies, how you loved kinder eggs,crayons and thomas trains and of course, your ipod, i made sure it was charged every night so you could have it in the morning when you came out to the living room.I am so sorry, how different it must be in heaven, i pray God lets you know constantly how special you are, how you are all that is in my heart and i scream within me all the time reaching for my angel boy. I love you sweet pusskin with an everlasting love that will never end. I miss you angel.
April 17,2015< My little angel: My saying i am sorry doesn't change anything, i tried so hard but it wasn't enough,i miss you little one so much. God doesn't hear the anguish in my soul or He would let me go or bring my sweet baby back, even though you were four and a half you were still a baby, you were just starting to get your little boy look and to notice other things around you. The tears will never stop my sweet boy for my heart is empty ther eis no more light. You were my everything, then, now , forever.My thoughts are always on my angel, nothing else, nothing else matters, i am sorry puss, my life for yours in a heartbeat.I love you my sweet angel.
April 21,2016:Sylena, sara and i went to your spot this morning, it was raining a bit, we brought a book, i put your picture on it with a hot wheels car and i wrote inside of the book and wrapped it in cling wrap. I miss you so much little one, whenever i see a child riding a bike or anywhere, when i look outside i see you riding your bike through the bubble so would blow, i always blew bubbles so you could drive through them. When you went for your last walk, you wanted me to go to with sara, it is like you knew and wanted us together. WE will be togehter some time in heaven but i want you know. Sometimes i just sit and wait and hope God will bring you back, i wouldn't be surprised as i know God is able to do anything. You are my heart and soul. my everything, now there is nothing but emptiness everywhere , all over,time means nothing, only you sweet angel. I love you so.
April.26,2015: Little angel: You are always in my thoughts, gramma sees you everywhere in my mind and i reach for my sweet boy and it is only a memory> I remember everything, your treasure box is in our room in the headboard, your things are as you left them.Your clothes on the dresser, your peice of hair, i touch and i cry inside, i scream inside, everyone is hee today but you are missing, i can't find you, only in pictures and in my memories, i need more memories, i need to feel your little hand in mine ,waiting for me to clap back and forth within your hands, how you loved that and would raise your hands in the air and i would clap fast back and forth and i would see your baby smile, your little boy smile. How beautiful and sweet and all things my precious boy. I love you my angel child for all time.
April 28,2015: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today. I will go every week as long as i am here away from you. i need you here my sweet boy, to feel your little hand holding mine, to hear your laughter and to see your smily face. I want to see you running and playing, i loved to watch you play, i always tried to take in every moment of you, you are my everything and i don't kow what to do now, there is nothing to do, i go to sleep at night and you aren't beside me, i wake up and you aren't there, how you would smile in your sleep if i touched your face, your hair, you knew my touch. You were so precious and beautiful. i used to tell you how the little girls would chase after you in school, you were so pretty, but you never went to school, you were with me, and i treasure and remember every second and i cry and cry, there is no more memories for my perfect, beautiful ,sweet angel child isn't here anymore and i am, without you and there is nothing but empty time, nothing time for you are my everything.i love you little pusskin.
May,1,2015: Precious angel: I am missing you so much, there's tears and tears and i see only you, no matter what i am doing or where i am there is you. Oh God in heaven bring this beautiful child back or release me, this is too much to bear for me,Why my child, why such a beautiful,sweet innocent boy why Lord?Why? i see you sweet boy counting apples, i see you watching the fireworks for the first time, noticing them when i was pushing you in the car,i see you in the back yard playing..i see you but i can't feel you for you are only in my heart and memories and my heart is full of tears i can't stop.I love you sweet boy.
May 4,2015: My beautiful boy, you had every right to live ,why aren't you here, why are all the other children here and my arms are no longer holding my precious baby boy? My angel. my love, how i miss you, you never went to school, or ate a hamburger or went to macdonalds and played, so many things you will never get to do, i tried so hard and i failed and i have to live with that but this isn't about me, my life ended when yours did, my sweet puss, i pray God is good to you in heaven and that some of these things you didn't get to do here God will give to you in heaven. I want you to be special in heaven as you were and always will be to me, there was nothing but you, there is nothing now but you, i love you little one so much and my tears have no place to go anymore.i miss my sweet angel more than words will ever be able to tell, you and me were supposed to be forever, together, i am so sorry angel baby, heart of mine.
May,5,2015:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.I heard a bird singing,what right does it have to sing there when you can't hear it.Are there any birds in heaven, is there any kind of time? Do you get to be a boy and to grow up,to play, please God keep my sweet boy special in heaven,hold him close to you.We brought white tulips,i am going to bring flowers each time for the summer. You loved daisies and i remember you picking some for me.I remember you pulling off the petals, you should be running through daisies,listening to the birdsong, watching the leaves come upon the trees but you aren't here with us, with me and ther eis no end to this forever nothing.i miss you my beautiful baby, i love you for all time.
May 10,2015: Precious angel: It's mother's day.we miss you. I miss you.You would be running around now, jumping on the beds and we would be having a special meal and we would be happy.There is no happy because you are not here, i am so sorry little one,gramma cries and cries for you but God is silent, He has the power to return you, to give us all another chance to be with you for ther eis nothing in my life now but the wonderful memories of a sweet, beautiful little biy who filled my heart. Now my heart is empty, life goes on but mine stopped with you, my heart is still bating but there is no life but time to fill in, you were, are my all in all,my sweet angel boy, i love you my baby bear, my pusskin, my cuddlebum..i love you angel boy for all time and then some.
May 12,2015:Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot,it was raining a bit and wet. We brought solar coach lights, i want light not darkness for you, i know you are with God but your body is there, so far from me. How i long to hold you in my arms,next to me to see your beautiful little face and your smile, to touch your curls and tell you how much i love you.I look at your pictures each night on my phone and try to touch you,but i can't feel the warmth of your skin or the brightness of your eyes or hear your little giggles, the clapping of your hands. No music box plays all night, there is no little hand for me to touch, my beautiful boy forgive me, i tried so hard and i failed because you are not here, not a second goes by where you are not in my thoughts, always in my heart,my sweet angel child. I love you.
May 14.2015: My precious angel : I miss you so much, when i touch your pictures, they don't touch back, this is so wrong, you aren't going to see the fireworks, or hear them, nothing, you can'tsee the pretty flowers, you can't have kinder eggs or crayons, no pictures, no diasies, Dear Lord let my sweet boy know he is special in heaven,special for the beauty in him, his beautiful smile and touch, i cry and cry and God you don't c are, you left me here in an absolute hell i can't escape from, i want to be with my sweet angel boy, where is your mercy in taking angel from us, i can't hold on, dear lord take me to be in heaven with you and my baby angel, tell angel every day how much i miss him and love him, he is and always will be my precious angel boy, the love of my heart.I love you little angel.
May15,2015:Precious angel: It is friday,and there will be fireworks this weekend.I hate them because you can't see them how you would run and shout now, your last fireworks, i was pushing you in your car and you were amazed,looking out the window at all the colours, it was the first time you showed an interest in them and i watched your face and eyes light up and i treasure that memory, i treasure all my memories of you for you were, are my life, my heart, my soul. I know it is different in heaven but i pray you are happy,special,loved and cared for, you are my everything and not a second goes by that you are not in my thoughts, i miss my little boy so much.I love you sweet pusskin so very, very much.
May 17,2015:Precious angel: You would be playing outside now,laughing running, swinging on your swings, being a boy,all was for you ,i tried so hard but not hard enough, there wasn't a second i didn't watch you,there was only you and now you aren't here and no matter what anyone says it does not get easier with time for you are not here and nothing can change that.God could bring you back or release me but He isn't hearing me.I am in a hell i can't get out of time is my enemy for ther eis too much of nothing time.I miss you so angel mine, my sweet,beautiful boy. I love you angel child for all time till we are together and you will be in my arms again.
May19,2015:Precious angel: Sylena and sara and i went to your spot,we brought some mini roses, sara planted them under your light.I pulled up grass. My heart breaks for you sweet boy, you deserved to live like the other kids, it isn't right and i still can't come to terms with what happened. I am so sorry my angel boy, for you truly were and are perfection. This is all so wrong, i want to see my precious, sweet boy,to see you playing, having fun but it stopped your body is in the cold ground and you can't do anything, i cry for the many things you never got to experience. I am so sorry, i was so careful with you, everything was for you but it wasn't enough or you would be here. You are my sunshine always and forever,sweet puss there is only you. I love you my little baby bear.
May 21,2015:Precious angel:two years ago you were here in my arms, on my lap by the computer bouncing up and down clapping your little hands,you wee watching your videos with your ipod in your hand,always your ipod and your six plastic circles, never could figure out why you loved those circles but you always kept them in your hand, at bedtime, i would take them off the bed as they fell out of your hand and put them on the headboard so you could have them when you woke up.I tried so hard angel and you are not here, my heart cries out to you. my soul to God who doesn't hear me but leaves me in ahell that goes on forever and gets worse with each day. I miss you sweet baby , always ther eis only you, as others go on, as the leaves come and go, as the wind blows, i see only you and nothing else ever, i miss you so much and cry and cry for you, i loe you my sweet angel. always and forever.
May 26,2015:Precious little angel: Sylena and sara and i went to your spot. The birds are always singing there as if they are praising God. You are with God my little one, you were to be here with me.All the many boy things you should be doing now, you never got to do, you are not here in my arms and this is all wrong, I miss you every second of this existence for without you ther eis nothing but empiness, my soul cries out to God, the living God who allowed my little, sweet, innocent baby to die. How could you allow death to claim this child, the child of my heart, my soul. Precious angel i watched you every second but i lost you anyway. We brought a hanging solar light with birds on it and planted some yellow roses, i know you can't see them right now my sweet puss, but i will be with you and have you in my arms again but i nee dyou now, where is God's mercy..i love you baby puss , my cuddlebum,my baby bear, the child of my heart.I love my angel..dear Lord keep him close.
May 30,2015: precious sweet angel boy: Two years ago at this time you were here,and now there is nothing, how could you have been here and now you are with God and we go and visit the spot where your beautiful body lays in a box. you aren't supposed to be there, you are meant to be here with me where you belong but i can't find you. I miss you so much.I don't understand any of this, i know in my head but my heart clings to the hope that the God who can do all things will yet bring my angel back to His glory.The time itself seems suspended as if it shouldn't exist but it does and has nowhere to go, objects can be recycled but days in our liv es find no way back to what was and what should be. I miss you my beautiful,sweet anglel child, my cuddlebum, my baby bear , my little puss..my heart knows no peace and never will again in this world till we are together and you are once again in my arms, i love you sweet pusskin and miss you constantly.
June 1,2015: Precious baby, two years ago gramma was pushing you in your green car, holding you,touching your beautiful face in your sleep, loving you. I don't understand any of this only that i am surrounded by nothing, vst blackness that won't stop, i miss you so much my sweet boy, how unfair this is, you came into this world in distress and left the same way, i tried so hard my love, there ws only you, now and forever, you are my heart and soul and i cry out to God to bring to bring you back to me.i love you my precious little one always forever.
June 2,2015:precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.I brought a little car for you.I miss you so much puss.There are no words or time or anything, ther eis only you and i want my beautiful angel back in my arms. Why God took you i don't understand and left me here to suffer in empty time, ther eis nothing without you, you were, my everything, the child of my heart and soul.Now my beautiful little boy is in heaven and i am left here without you. You didn't get to have little boy adventures or ride a two wheel bike, i tried so hard and failed you.I am so sorry little one, not a second goes by that your gramma is not thinking of you.Please God return this child to your glory.Take his hand and bring him back for you have the power, we prayed to you oh Lord when he was alive and i believed, you can do all things oh Lord,bring my sweet boy back, he deserves to be a boy.I love you little angel, my precious cuddlebum,my baby bear.
june 4,2015:My precious angel: i miss you all the time, when i take a bath i see you standing, closing the shutters,opening them while i try to wash your hair and rinse it, i see you sliding sown the tub over and over and i put my arm out o you don't slip. you liked to fill the little cups, sontainers till they overflowed on the side of the tub and i would put towels there to catch the water, you loved your tubby toys, you would sit on my lap and sara would blow dry your hair, you would bring your crayons intothe bathroom and when you were done i would put them back into your hand.You would sit on my lap in the bathroom with the lights out and your santa light plugged in and we would sing jingle bells and you would clap..i remember everything sweet boy and i cry and cry. I love you baby angel.There is only and always only you, my precious boy.
June 9,2015: precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today, it was warm there, the sun was bright.Is it warm, bright in heaven, are you playing, i imagine what you would be doing here and how you would look and how wonderful it would be to hold my sweet boy in my arms again.I miss you so much sweetheart, everyone has moved on but you were mine little one, mine to love and care for and something went wrong and i don't understand when i was with you all the time.My heart cries constantly for my angel baby who would now be a big boy, i want to see you running, playing calling for gramma, you would put your little fingers under the bathroom door when i had a bath, you wanted me, i had to sneak out when i absolutely had to go out and get groceries, other than that i never left your side, you were and are always my all in all, the precious child of my heart. I love you angel boy.We brought white solar roses and cleaned up your site. I love you angel always and forever.
JUne 11,2015: Precious little angel: I miss you so much,I don't understand any of this. Jody is putting your memorial in the paper again, i tried to find a picture that was clear so everyone could see how beautiful you were, are. Not just your gorgeous smile but you knew how to love, you loved completly and i lo ve you with an eternal love and my heart cries for my sweet boy who came into this world in distress and left it the same way. I see your memories everywhere and i want more, i want you in my arms, i want it all to be ok but it never will again and nobody understands how much i miss you, my angel boy, my angel child.My thoughts are forever on you, yesterday, today tomorrow for all time my heart cries and my soul screams out to God, i love you baby pusskin, you are grammas beautiful boy an di love you.
JUne 12,2015: Precious angel: You are constantly in my thoughts, my heart, my cries. I miss you always. This does not make any sense that you aren't here, how can this be?You are meant to be here with me. i am so sorry little pusskin. WE will all be getting together on the aniversay of your passing..i will never allow anyone to forget the beauty of your smile, your little giggles when you watched the wiggles, i remember your last giggle, your last crayon that you broke on your tummy, it was brown, the feel of your hand in mine, the smile on your face when i touched it when you were sleeping. I miss you my sweet boy, i grieve for the many adventures you never got to have, and pray God holds you close to His heart as you will always be close to mine till you are again in my arms. I love you little angel child for all time.
June 13,2015:Precious angel: i miss you so much, i feel pain like rivers flowing through me and a never ending stream of tears with no place to go. As it approaches the second year of your passing i still don't understand any of this, there are no answers, i am so sorry, this should be your time, but you aren't here and it has t be my fault because i took care of you, you were never out of my sight, i tried to make everything perfect for you, but i failed, i tried so hard angel boy..I love you little one, my precious sweetheart..there are no words as i sit in nothing time waiting to be with you.
June 16,2015:Precious angel: Sylena ,sara and i went to your spot.I brought a red solar rose,and pulled up grass to make it look nice.I know you can't see it now but i believe when i am finally with you in heaven you will see this all then, i am so sorry little one, i tried so hard, i watched you constantly, every little thing, i would always put blankets pillows around you when you were sleeping when i would get your bottle, i would give you milk every hour and a half ,every two hours day and night and play your music box, everything i did, i did for you, for you are always my angel child, God's gift, my miracle bay, for you truly were a miracle baby,you are my miracle, my love, my heart, I miss you angel always and forever your heart on mine.
JUne20,2015:Precious angel: I remember two years ago on this day when the groceries were brought in, i remember you crouching down and looking in the bags on the floor for your toys, for your kinder eggs.I remember everything, every little detail my sweet boy. My heart cries out to God constantly for your return, i love you so much angel mine. This is so wrong and i can't fix it, God could. I hate seeing the kids playing outside and i can't see you, when i hear the voices of little boys ,i listen for your sound but there isn't any..why God why this innocent little angel? Why? ...i love you my baby bear always, forever till i can be with you AGAIN,
June 23,2015: precious angel: two years ago this day i was pushing you in your car,loving you, holding you,sleeping with my little pusskin in my arms. How can it be two years that you have been gone? Why aren't you running around playing, why can't i hear the joyous sound of your voice your singing twinle little star, rock a bye your bear..how you loved your videos, top of the tots, wiggles ,barneys adventure..so much, kinder eggs, thomas trains. your treasure box. Your treasure box is in my headboard, your favorite clothes on my dresser with a piece of your beautiful c urls..oh sweet puss i don't understand any of this, i love you and miss you more than anyone can ever fathom, you were the light f my life, my very heart and soul. Not a second goes by that i don't cry..rivers flow with no place to go..i scream and scream and pray for God to bring you back..or to take me so we can be together again. Tomorrow we go to your resting spot.Sylena,jody,kaylee,jenny and i together .Sara is going with someone else. We remember this terrible day yhat death crept in and stole our precious, sweet boy,so suddenly..i love you baby angel..for all time.
JUne 24,2015: Precious an gel: ITs been two years today since i saw your smiling face looking into mine with so much love, my darling sweet boy how i long for you. Sylena, jenny,jody,kaylee and i went in one car, sara and shelly, in one, johua and gerry. I brought a large thing of flowers in a pot with solar lights and a picture of you in a frame, and flowers from home and two lanterns., your home. Sylena brought a solar angel one fish two fish book your favourite and two balloons,Sara brought a bird statue and a glow in the dark lantern light, jody paid for your remembrance in the sudbury star. You are remembered every day, every second in my heart and soul, my memories which play like videos in my head and break my heart.We released the lanterns and balloons, one for each year that you are not here, oh precious baby your great gramma misses you more than anyone can ever image, for you were, are my everything, always and forever my beautiful angel child, i love you sweet boy.
June 25,2015:Precious angel: I found your video olive the other reindeer in the cupboard, how you loved that silly show. You loved your videos, especailly christmas ones, the chipmunks, my little pony, arthur, the wiggles, franklin, waiting for santa, barney all of them, your laughter filled my soul, so beautiful and sweet..oh my boy i am so sorry, i can't do anything i miss you all the time..ther eis nothing without you .i know you are with God, with Christ but you should here in my arms being a boy, i love you sweet puss and miss you more than anyone could ever comprehend, l ove you little one.
june 29.2015:Precious angel:I don't understand how it can be summer again, why the birds keep singing, the sun shines and my heart is filled with such loss and sorrow..nothing else. I see only my sweet boy nothing else and my heart breaks over and over again. Every child i see i see you, every little child sound and i listen for you, never a greater love little one than the love i have for you, you were, are my everything, i ask God constantly to bring you back to let me go. I am her ein body that is all and you should be, everything was for you so how did this happen i don't get it but i cry and cry for my sweet boy who is not here in body.Yur laughter your little giggle brought such joy to me, i want my angel boy back, my little miracle who defied all odds and was born only to be lost again. I miss you angel, my cuddlebum, my angel child, child of my heart. i love you so.
JUly 2,2015:Precious angel: You weren't here to see the pretty fireworks, how you would have loved them, i didn't want to see them, i shouldn't see them when you can't..why are ther eso many kids around here and i can't see you or hear your sweet voice? This is so wrong and i can't make it better and i am stuck here and nobody understands the pain that is inside of me with no place to go.I just am here and i wait so i can be with you, it is taking so long. i need you my sweet boy..you should be here and i can't change this, i miss you so.I love you so much, i tried so hard but it wasn't enough, i am so sorry pusskin, you are always the love of my heart and now there is no place to keep my tears.I love you sweet angel.
July 7,2015:Precious angel: There is only always only you.My heart will never stop breaking for i don't have my little sweet angel to hold in my arms..everything is empty and will remain so till i am with you in heaven and see your beautiful little boy smile. your curls,hear your laughter..i miss you so much sweet boy, I look for you, listen for the sound of your voice and i find nothing, i beg God to return you to me where you are meant to be..my love, my life my precious angel child. i love you sweet pusskin and miss you always ,
July 8,2015:precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot,We brought a large pinwheel, a rose solar light and jenny gave me a harley car to bring for you,It doesn't seem real that you are there, i know you are in heaven with God but this is so wrong and i can't make it right.why does the boy across the street get to live ,to ride a bike, to play to be a boy and my sweet, innocent angel isn't here. It'sd not right God bring my sweet boy back he needs to live too.You can do all things Lord bring angel back to me.I love yu sweet puss.
july12,2015Precious angel: I am missing you so much.There is nothing i want you my little one, my cuddlebum,i see you everywhere in my memories and i can't stop the never ending tears, i am stuck here without you and i want out.You were my everything,it should be you here not me.So much you should be doing.things remain but you my beautiful little nagel baby,my miracle,the child of my heart i can't find you. I love you sweet boy for ever for all time
july 14,2015:precious angel: today.sylena,sara and i went to your spot,Brought a solar fairy light,a little car and a kai lan book,You liked kia lan and so many other videos,you liked the wiggles the best,and arthur and franklin..of course,thomas.You loved your thomas trains,kinder eggs and crayons.You should be here now,You would have had everything,I tried to have everything for you.i tired so hard little one..not a second goes by that i am not thinking of you.There is you and only you.i love you sweet pusskin and my heart keeps crying..
july 16,2015:Precious angel: This is so wrong,i am trying to wake up and everything would be ok but i can't wake up.you aren't here with me.It's all wrong.This path is wrong.i see all the toys on kijiji that you would have liked,all the older fisher price toys but you aren't here so i can get them for you.Why you? Why the child of my heart.How scared you must have been when your spirit went to heaven without me.I am so sorry i can't stop the tears they go everywhere,I love you so much sweet pusskin my cuddlebum,you were and are my everything.I love you little one.
july 19,2015: precious angel: Always,always there is only you.How i miss you,my heart aNd soul cry out to God at the nothingness of life without you.Child tax went up and you would have got so much.I would have made sure it all went to you.Everything is so wrong,i am so angry,lost needing my sweet pusskin.I miss you little one.eveRyone is here today you are missing.I know you didn't want to leave and i am so sorry.My life for yours in a heartbeat and God knew that. How can the God i have always worshiped and loved have taken the one that was my life and left me behind. I strongly feel will be with you soon in heaven and i look forward to that alone for this world now holds nothing in it,time and space are empty..crying out with me, I love you my little angel boy for all time and space,there are no bounds my sweet boy.
jULY 2015:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot today.I brought a yellow lily and two stems of purple flowers from the garden. Crayola crayons, a little car and a book with planes inside. You loved your crayola crayons,especially browns and orange. The last crayon you broke on your tummy and ate the paper, I remember everythig my sweet angel.I miss you so much. I am angry at God for the life you are missing now.I know you are ok with God and He will care for you much better than i ever could but you had a right to live to be happy to be a boy ,to laugh,to play,to run, adventures and wonders of this world and it was taken from you. I hurt all the time my precious little one,i hurt for the many things you didn't get to do and should have.I am so sorry, i scream inside when i see other kids and i can't see you, so many kids but my angel isn't here,i miss you so sweet boy always forever you are my everything.i love you.
July 24,2015:Precious angel: i miss you so much.there is nothing without you,memories i hold close to my broken heart.Please God bring my baby back.He was so perfect,so beautiful and full of laughter and joy.I tried so hard but it wasn't enough. I love you sweet puss.How big you would be now.I see you counting apples,playing in the sand letting it run through your fingers,you liked the feel of it.I feel so much anger when i see other children and i can't see my little one,This is hell this seperation from my beautiful boy.I love you sweet angel child and my heart screams along with my soul that can find no answers for i can't find my little cuddlebum boy.
JUly 29.2015:Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.We brought a plant with big pink flowers,you loved pink .,a smurf book thing with bunches of plastic smurfs you loved smurfs christmas, you loved christmas,,and a solar rose and a red tulip. Its so wrong that you aren't here, i miss you so nobody will never understand the screams within me, the loss the anger i feel and the plain nothingness without my angel,You were always angel to gramma.Crying and begging God to bring you back doesn't do any good because He hasn't brought you back and i know God can do anything. I love you my beautiful little pusskin.Does God call you pusskin or angel or cuddlebum? You are so specail, my everything i love you for all time angel child.
july 30,2015:Precious angel:I have no place to put my tears.they don't ever stop just keep comiong as my soul cries for you.i look out the sunroom window and touch your crayon markings and wonder what you thought at the moment or if you thought at all you were playing not knowing there was no more,i treasure every second of out time tyogether.i see you running outside,sitting in your sandbox,opening and closing the door on your winnie the pooh house,your castle door,you loved opening and closing doors, turning the ligts off, You were standing by your swing set at the table putting sand into little containers and blowing bubbles, i see you on your swing on your tummy spinning, sitting under it playing, sitting on the glider with sara and i would sit on the treehouse stairs and wave and clap my hands and talk to you, your beautiful little boy smile would fill my heart with sunshine but God took my sunshine away and there is only forever darknes that will never go away in this world,i cry to God but nothing..i am alone . I miss you sweet boy..and i cry and cry and nobody answers for you are not here my sweet little baby bear,,i love you for all time and more.
August 1.2015:Precious angel: I miss you so very much.Nothing makes sense.MY heart is so broken yet it still keeps breaking more and more so many pieces everywhere inside of me.Emptiness everywhere.Oh sweet baby how i long for you. You should be here.not me.God didn't hear me.I have no business in this world without you.The effort required id tremendous.I love you little one my angel grammas baby bear.
August 4,2015:Precious angel"Sylena,sara and i went to your spot. We brought some books,crayons, a rose solar light for you.Sara planted the flowers we brought last time. I miss you sweet boy, the earth was cracked,broken and i thought maybe God finally heard my prayer and was bringing you back to us,to me.We used to sing "together we will be. you and me, forever u will see. The siamesecat song from sristrcats. Yet, i am here in a nothing place that will always be empty and you are in heaven with God.We are seperated and i don't even begin to understand any of this, it makes no sense.I tried so hard little puss in many ways but it wasn't enough for you are not here and emptiness and nothing surrounds me the rest of my life for my little boy is not in my arms . i miss you sweet angel, my baby bear.my little one.
August 7,2015:Precious angel: Gramma misses you all the time.i look at your pictures on the walls and touch them.I look at your pictures on my phone every night before i go to sleep.i have nothing else for i can't hold you, or feel your little hand in mine, see your blue eyes smiling at me knowing everything was ok because i was with you.But something went wrong that i will neer understand, this makes no sense it never will.You aren't here ,i can't find you. we go to your spot every tuesday and bring things in your memory,things you can't play with but they are there. Nothing here but emptinews, nothing time that goes so slowly as i wait to be with you.There is nothing i want of this world but you.PLease God bring my precious little one back.You deserve life my beautiful sweet angel child.I love you and miss you more than words could ever express.
August 8,2015:Precious angel:You would be playing outside right now,You would have had every outside toy possible,Everything was for you.I looked and looked for the perfect toys for you so you could play, be happy have fun.What are you doing in heaven you are meant to be here with me, with your family.I miss you sweet boy,every second of the day and night my heart cries out to you. There are no answers, there is nothing without you.I love you my sweet pusskin always and forever.
August 10,2015:Precious angel: I think about you all the time,nothing but you.I dreamed about you last night you came back and my heart was filled with joy,i went out to buy you clothes and food,strawberry babyfood and pizza goldfish.I know it was just a dream but it felt so real,then i woke up and i was still in hell.I miss you always.My cries to God have not been heard.He has the power to bring you back to me.I will never understand. Nobody understands and i only have my memories and pictures that don't touch back.I love you little one like no other has ever been loved.
August 11,2015:Sylena ,sara and i went to your spot this morning,. brought an orange solar rose ,a kia lan book with crayons.I always write you a little note inside i know you can't see it now,but i am hoping when i am in heaven with you we can read them together and you will remember my love for there is nothing in my life ever again for you were my everything and now ther eis nothing.I miss you sweet boy.How big you would have been now, i am so sorry i really tried little one but it wasn't enough i love you so my beautiful sweet angel child.
august 14,2015:precious angel: Always you are in my heart, my mind, my soul.it was nice yesterday and i looked outside and everything was just there but you weren't here there wasn't any bubbles floating around.i always made sure you had bubbles when we went outside so you could blow them,so i could blow them.i would sit on the side of the driveway and blow bubbles for you as sara pushed you on your trike around and around the driveway,you would drive through the bubbles, always for you sweet boy,only you. I was so careful with you, always you had blanket around you on the bed when i got your bottles, always watching you. Yet you are not here and i am stuck in this nothing place crying,screaming for God to return my beautiful baby angel,Oh sweet ,precious angel ,always in my heart and soul.i love you.
August 17,2015:Precious angel: There is only you in my heart,i cry and cry.nobody hears..where is God? My soul screams in anguish day and night with missing my beautiful boy.If anyone deserved life it was you for you were totally innocent, never asked for anything my precious sweet angel. My life is nothing without you.i sit and wait for the time when i can be with you.i am putting in time in a place that i don't want to be i want to be where you are in heaven with God,i miss you so much.All has been taken and i am very tired.I love you my little cuddlebum, my pusskin , my angel bear.
August 18,2015: Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.I brought a red solar rose for you there.My thoughts are always you sweet boy,never anything else.You were, are my everything and this time i spend without you is forever,endless nothing time for you are not here,how can this be,,i will never understand or move on for there is nothing without me, each day i ask God to bring you back, He can have me, How could He allow this knowing the complete loss in my heart and soul? Why didn't He take my useless life and let you live my precious child? I love you sweet boy with an everlasting love and such deep regret that you are not here.I tried so hard, i miss you so much little one.When i see kids i wonder why there are here and you are not,why? Who decides, who allows? I look at the kids and think you would be that size,you should be here holding my hand, riding your bike,picking flowers adventuring but you are not and my soul cries.I love you little angel boy always and forever you are all that is in my heart.
August 25,2015:Precious angel: Sara,sylena and i went to your spot.Sara brought a book and i brought a red rose solar light and a wind up music box with a bear holding a little child,sara wound up the music box so it played music. It's getting colder now and school is starting.I am so sorry little puss,you never got to go to school. i tried so hard but failed.you were meant to be a boy, to play. how you liked to play the organ, i always told you would be involved in music,i told you the dr would make you ok. i told you everything would be alright and it wasn't. my beautiful little angel boy isn't here. I miss you little one every second of the day and night.Every breathing moment. I love you my cuddlebum more than anything,and i miss you so,
August 26,2015:Precious angel;I miss you so much, there is never a moment when i don't.i touch your pictures and i only feel the paper.i don't feel the softness of your curls, the warmth of you skin,,your heart beating on mine.I reach for you and you aren't here. I know you would be here if you could an d i ask God each day to return my precious baby boy and there is nothing .I know time goes on but it stopped for me when it stopped for you.i hate this life without you and i sit and think of you always and my heart keeps beating when it shouldn't. there is only always and forever my little boy. my angel boy..little pusskin ..and the tears that will never end.i love you my beautiful, precious boy,
August 31,2015:Precious angel:Another summer without you, i miss you so much my angel boy, my pusskin,baby bear..This is so wrong.why do other children get to be here and you are not..i cry and cry and i don't get any answers i tried so hard to make sure you had everything and more love than anyone can ever comprehend yet you aren't here and i am in hell every day..why did God take you and not me..my life has nothing no meaning..darkness and complete loss..i know you are with God but you can't play with your toys you can't be a little boy.I miss you so much and my heart and soul are screaming i love you little one always and forever.
September 1,2015:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your resting spot.We brought a large flowering pot of purple fall flowers.Mary, our neighbour gave me ten dollars for you to bring something and we put that towards your plant. Sara put the solar flowers in the plant to make it pretty and to light up at night so there is some light.I always try to bring a solar rose to add to your light up things.I know it is just your body there and that your spirit is with God and my family but the beautiful little boy that i held in my arms is buried in the ground in a box and i can't stand the thought that you are in darkness..there was no darkness in you you were light so bright my sweet angel boy..this is so unfair,God did not have to allow this tragedy. i pray each day for God to bring you back.There must be something wrong with my faith for you are not here.I don't understand any of it.I hate seeing the kids in the store and my angel isn't there .I love you and miss you so much little one nobody will ever understand how much i love you always and forever little one.I love you.
september 5,2015:precious angel: It was windy today and i thought of how we blew bubbles and you would drive your bikes through them and how they would fly over our house.you loved bubbles, we made sure you always had bubbles for outside.Round and round you would go on your bike with sara pushing you.You wouldn't get off your bike unless she went over the driveway line. You are so special little one..there is nothing but you for me forever and always and my heart and soul cry out to God daily for my precious baby ..why i can't stand this..so much time and i am here without you when i could be with you.I miss you so much. Is anyone calling you cuddlebum or pusskin in heaven do you remember you are my angel i love you so much i can't stop the tears and i am stuck here without you. I miss you so much my angel boy..i love you for all time you are my heart and soul.
september 8,2015:Precious angel:Today was the first day of school but my little one isn't here..you're supposed to be going to school today,playing, learning yelling being a boy discovering the world.This is wrong.INstead sylena,sara and i went to your spot.We brought a book,crayons and two solar lights.We pulled up grass..you shouldn't be there, you are meant to be here with me with sara with your family.I miss you so very much my beautiful boy.You have a right to be here with us to be loved.I love you sweet boy more than anything..always and forever.I miss you so..i am so sorry little one i am so sorry.I love you sweet angel forever and always you are my everything.
september 10.2015:Precious angel:I miss you so much.there was so much you were meant to do, so much we were meant to do together,There is only missing you always,nothing more ever,It should have been me not my beautiful boy with your life ahead of you.So many things you didn't get to do and i can't stop the screaming inside of me.*I msee you kneeling in the driveway counting your apples while i am watching you,beside you.i see you running in the yars throwing the leaves over your head,laughing being a boy and in a sec it was all taken your life and mine in a different way.My heart is beating but i can't feel yours beating on mine so mine beats for nothing as i put in time here waiting to be with you.What is this plan of Gods'? i will never understand ..life could have been so beautiful for you and me and now it is broken and it can never be fixed, it will never be ok again for i can't feel your hand in mine or se eyour beautiful smile..i can only sit here and do nothing, There is no more room for tears..ther eis nothing i love you my angel baby..always,forever this is but you,my sweet cuddlebum,my pusskin..i love you.
september 14.2015:Precious angel: I miss you so much,day and night,all the time.i look for you . there are no words to express the extent of my missing you.there is nothing but you.everyone was here yesterday but my angel was missing.What are you doing in heaven? Do you remember this world..or will you remember when i see you and we can be togehter again? I am so sorry little one..my sweet,beautiful boy..gramma tried so hard..forgive me for fail;ing in taking care if you.,.every second was for you, i loved to watch you play..to be happy to be you..never was there a more beautiful spirit than yours..I love you sweet boy for all time..you are my everything..i love you little one.
september 15,2015:Precious angel:sara,sylena and i went to your spot..we brought a sesame st.big bird..you loved sesame street especially elmo,,elmos cookbook,,you would watch that one over and over again you liked to watch the same shows over and over and would always laugh in the same place..you loved the wiggles the best especially rock a bye your bear you would sing the words and do the motions ..you were so smart little one..i miss you so very much..we brought a solar rose..i like to bring those for you as they will be bright in the winter so there will be light in the darkness on your spot..i know you are with G od..daily i ask Him to bring my little angel back and i wait..i love you little one..my little pusskin..my baby bear..my angel bear..always and forever in my heart and soul..i love you.
september 20,2015:Precious angel; i miss you so much always every second day and night my thoughts are of you,only you.this will never change for you are my angel boy..my love..sara would have been getting your things this weekend..i always look for you ask God to bring you back,I believe God can but doesn't want too.. .I think of all the videos you loved..the apples you picked and counted the daisies you picked for me and pulled the petals off.the sand that ran through your fingers..your thomas trains..kinder eggs, crayons..only you little one and my heart cries and i don't get any answers as i wait here putting in endless time till we can be together again with you in my arms singing twinkle star and itsy bitsy spider your twinklers your smiles your love..i love you little angel always and forever,
september 21.2015:Precious angel: I still can't understand the reasons for this terrible thing..why you..why just like that..why not me...? i miss you so much..i see only you in my heart and soul each day..there is nothing else now or ever..each day is more of nothing for i can't hold you in my arms..watch you play sing..be a boy my beautiful angel child..the tears will never stop i have no place to put them..i cry and cry and the silent screams within me, the prayers in my soul have changed nothing..i love you little pusskin my sweet angel child.
september 22,2015>Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot today.we brought a rose solar light,a book and a little hot wheels car.For the winter we will make a bouquet out of all your solar lights to shine brightly. No light can ever shine as brightly a you my sweet boy..i was so careful with you,always car3eful.gentle there was only you,now is only you even though you aren't here there is nothing ion my heart but you..i go to reach for you and nothing..i miss you so pusskin you are supposed to be here not me..please God bring our little one back..i love you baby boy always and forever ,
september 23.2015:Precious angel:I miss you so very much.i want to hold you and feel the beating of your little heart on mine..to feel your hand in mine..to see you smile and hear you laugh.i sit and put my arms out hoping to feel you for real not just in a memory..you are supossed to be here with me with us,,now i am surrounded by emptiness, by nothing for my angel boy isn't here..why God why this precious little one..why couldn't you make everything ok..we prayed each morning..i tried so hard but i failed oh Lord bring my sweet baby back..i love you little pusskin always and forever there is only you little one.
september 28.2015.Precious angel: I miss you always.last night you would have been running around watching the supermoon...playing..i i imagine what we would be doing..what you would be doing..how you would smell the changing seasons..fresh cut grass.hear the birds singing..see the sunshine and the rain and snow sparkling in the winter..so much adventuring..being a boy and then my heart breaks into many pieces knowing you are not here to be with me..to be you...i am here doing nothing ..never anything again for my beautiful little sweet boy is gone and the only thing i look forward to each week is going to the cemetery to visit your spot to bring a little something..this is all wrong and i can't fix it and God isn't hearing me..my pain..my never ending emptiness without you..the power of God could bring you back into my empty arms and i wait and wait to see your beautiful baby face..i love you lttle one..always and forever my angel boy.
september 29,2015Precious angel: Sylena and i went to your spot.We brought the last solar rose light and an iglee piggle jenny gave me for you.Next time we will bring all your care bears and put them on your light post to be there for the winter.You loved those care bears and snuggled them all in your arms..you are loved little one more than all love can encompass and then some.I am so sorry puss you should be here in my arms..there is not a second that goes by that i don't think of you..you were are my everything..i love you little one..with a never ending love for eternity you are my sweet angel boy....
october 2,2015:Precious angel: THis is so wrong..everything is wrong..i miss you so much little one..there is you and only you.i am so sorry not a second goes by that you do not fill my thoughts,my heart and soul..i am here and you are not..i shouldn't be here..you should be..i want more than these beautiful memories i want my sweet little pusskin,my cuddlebum in my arms rocking you, holding you, lovinf you..to feel your heartbeat on mine together..i used to say to you.. together we will be, me qnd you forever you'll see me and you. but we aren't ..i miss you ..i love you my precioud boy..and i pray each day for God to bring you back because i know He can ,He is God..but He doesn't hear me..or the tears of my heart//i love you my angel.
october 6,2015:precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.the leaves are changing colour and as we are driving i think that you are not seeing the beauty of nature,,you are not here but i am and it should be you here..not me..my beautiful boy my heart and soul never stop crying..i never stop thinking about you..there is only you always and forever my angel child.we brought a solar rose and crayons..for the winter we will gather all the solar flowers together to shine brightly over your spot..i love you liottle one grammas little cuddlebum.
october 8,2015:Precious angel: I miss you so much..i look outside i think we would all be playing in the leaves ,raking, being together you and me and all of us.there is nothing here without my sweet angel baby..you were my life..my precious gift,my miracle..my little love and now there are only memories now and a slowness and emptiness of time..with no concept of life..you were my life...i love you angel boy always and forever you are grammas everything../
october 11.2015:Precious angel: Another thanksgiving without you..i imagine you are here but you are not..i miss you so much.you are missing from our pictures..though sara holds your picture so there is a picture of all of us. This is wrong..i can't make it right..God won't take me for you.I ask Him every day to bring my sweet angel boy back into my arms but He hasn't as yet..i know He can because He is God,,but you aren't here.Your outside toys came back into the back yard,,almost a joke the toys came back but you didn't..my heart felt shredded into so may useless poeces of nothing..i see you playing with the toys being lifted up to slide down going ON YOUR BUM,I SEE YOU OPENING AND CLOSING THE DOORS OF YOUR HOUSES THE CADTLE, WINNIE POOH HOUSE..PUTTING SAND INTO LITTLE CONTAINERS,THROWING THE LEAVES UP IN THE AIR WATCHING THEM FALL ON YOUR HEAD..MY PRECIOUS LIUTTLE PUSSKIN HOW I LOVE YOU. I SCREAM INSIDE AND NOBody hears,There is only you sweet boy now and always the child of my heart..i love you sweet angel.
October 13,2015:precious angel: Sara, sylena and i went to your spot..it was raining..we brought sesame street characters sara had picked up and i brought a box of crayons..how you loved elmo's cookbook,,you watched it over and over again..you watched all your shows over and over and always laughed in the same place..my sweet boy..i miss you so much..how can this be that you are in heaven and i am here without you, you should be here being a boy..i am so sorry angel boy,,this is so wrong..i love you pusskin, my cuddlebum..we used to do piggies and tickle your couychie coos..it's almost halloween and i look at your halloween pictures,,i don't want to see all the kids i want to see you..i love you sweet boy always and forever i am your gramma and soon i can be with you,just to see your beautiful face ...and to gaze into your eyes..to let you know how very much i love you..each and every day my heart is full of tears with no place to go but God does not see or hear ..i love you angel..alway
October 17,2015: Precious angel: i miss you so much.almost halloween and you are supposed to be all excited about trick or treating..there should be laughter and decorations and halloween kinder eggs and toys and costumes,but ther eis only a never ending silence and a coldness,,a nothing everywhere,,no sweet little boy playing..having fun opening kinder eggs looking for surprises, no little boy jumping in leaves..there is nothing..i miss you little one and cry constantly in my heart and soul for the life you should have had..my life is worth nothing and i am here while God allowed yours to end. I hate halloween, christmas holidays where i only have memories and pictures and not my angel on my lap.with me in my arms..you loved to watch the huffa lump with tiger and tigers halloween..so much that isn't anymore and i can't understand why..i am so sorry little puss there was only you in my heart then and now forevermore..my baby angel boy i love you,
October 20.2015; precious angel: i am trying this again as what i wrote seemed to disappear.Sara, sylena and i went to your spot today; It is a day where sara should have been going shopping to buy things for you but instead we brought things to your resting place. We brought a small globe, crayons, a picture of you with care bears,,christmas care bears..hanging down the side and i put them on your light post.I miss you so much little one..my heart will always be broken..i can't stand this, it is almost halloween and there are no costumes..no little boy running around excited to go trick or treating..just other kids who are alive who will be having fun and my angel isn't here..the screams within me are silent ones for nobody can hear them but God..please Lord bring my baby back,,i l ove you my sweet puss always and forever..you are mine.
October 24,2015:Precious angel: You loved playing in the leaves, i se eyou in my mind buti reach out and nothing. i know you could be here if you could for you would never lerave my angel child.You were , are everything to me..ther eis nothing but you, how i hate halloween and christmas..you are meant to be here..my innocent ,sweet boy..everything is wrong..the rain keeps falling and doesn't stop time keeps going on and doesn't stop and i am here without you..i love you little one and miss you more than anyone understands..i love you angel boy.
October 25,2015:Precious angel: My heart and soul is crying out to you,i miss you so.everyone will be here but no angel boy..God almighty hear my cries and bring my baby back.i love you little sweet angel..
October 27,2015:Precious angel:Sylena, sara and i went to ur spot,i brought a solar rose light and we brought 2 stakes that were taller to put some of your lantern lights on for the winter.How is it possible my angel baby is in the ground..where is your smiling face, my angel clapping..playing running watching tv...singing doing itsy bitsy spider..how you loved that one and your twinklers for twinkle star.I am so sorry little one..you should be here not me i have lived a very long life aND yours was just beginning..it is unfair and i ask God every day to make a miracle to bring you back,,i miss you so much..i hate seeing other kids when i can't see you..i love you little one , my precious baby angel...always and forever you are grammas little love, my everything.i miss you so,
October 28,2015:Precious angel: I miss you so much. i look at your pictures and cry .My little boy how big you would be now,excited for trick or treat.You are supposed to be here, making cookies, ghosts, pumpkins but you didn't get to do any of that. I am so sorry sweet boy, my little cuddlebum..is there anyone in heaven holding you close are you in marthas arms..you should be in mine..i love you and i can't take much more of this..this is all for nothing without you..i love you my mjiracle baby..my sweet pusskin.
November 1,2015:Precious angel.I miss you so much.this is all wrong..you weren't here to go trick or treat..sara gave out candy but she was supposed to be taking you out and i was supposed to take pictures of you laughing, excited over your new adventures,I remember one year trying to find a pumpkin for your treats and there just weren't any.YOu weren't interested in candy..you loved the tiger halloween movie..so may videos you would always laugh in the same place.I am so sorry little one..my life for yours why did God allow this..my life is nothing yours was everything..now it's gone and we have nothing left..i miss you my angel boy and love you with an all encompassing love that will never end..ther eis only you, always only you.
November 3.2015: Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot.We brought a smurf,crayons and a little hotwheels car.You loved the smurfs movies..christmas smurfs..how you loved to clap your hands and wave them around when you heard music..you loved music and i always said you would conduct an orchastra.So many things you didn't get to do.i am so sorry little one..This should be your time to be a boy..it would have been so good,You were my everything always , forever there is only little angel in my heart and soul.I miss you so much pusskin..my sweet little cuddlebum,,grama loves you like no other and my heart screams to God to bring my baby back,,i love you angel boy,
November 4,2015:Precious angel:I am missing you every second always..i see only you..i need to go back in time to get you..all i can think of is you..i found a thomas toy today..i used to press the differnt spots to play thomas songs and you pressed them,You would be in your chair or i was pushing you in your car,,and we would play and i would give you drinks and snack.s.y angel i love you,
November 8,2015:Precious angel;Always you are in my heart,my soul,my memories ,my constant thoughts of you and only you.How much you would have grown by now..learned,understood,loved and it was all taken away..where is the God i always loved and trusted my pleas fall on deaf ears..we were always told there was no pain in heaven and that is correct as we don't have bodies any more to have pain..i know sweet boy you are i heaven with God my family but you are not here and your life was stolen..i am so sorry pusskin anything i would give to have u in my arms to see your beautiful little boy face,,i miss you so much little one..my cries are unheard and the tears have no place to go..I love you my pusskin,my cuddlebum,,does anyone in heaven know to call you angel that that was my name for you for you were the perfect gift my sweet boy our miracle baby only to be taken from me from us..there are no words only endless pain and nothing but empty time that i watch go by crying for my beautiful,perfect boy..i love you little angel of my heart.
November 10.2015: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,We brought a christmas angel.i tied it to your post..an angel for my beautiful angel: Little one the weather is nice and i cry for all this time you could have been growing, playing, learning, being a boy..it is almost your b day..you would have been seven..why why God..why did you allow this..nothing can happen unless You allow it.I watch the birds outside and their hearts beat yet yours does not and i scream inside for it's not fair..why...God in heavene bring my baby back or turn back time..all is in Your power yet my heart and soul have never ending tears..i love you so much my baby boy..no greater love on this earth than my love for you yet it wasn't enough.i watched you so carefully yet my sweet baby is now in heaven..i love you little one with a never ending infinite love..my special little miracle you deserved more.
November 13:2015Precious angel: I miss you so much all the time i see nothing but you and my heart cries and cries and God doesn't hear me..my baby boy i love you . not a sec goes by that you are not in my thoughts, my memories..you are my all in all and i am alone now there is nothing..it's snowing but you can't see the snowflakes..what i thought to be beautiful at one time now is as nothing you should be seeing this..why do all the birds have heartbeats and i can't hear yours or feel your body next to mine..your little hand in mine..the smiles in your sleep when i touched your face..your laughter there is nothing but vast emptiness everywhere and time going nowhere..oh my angel boy anything i would give to you for you and now nothing..i love you sweet boy..always and forever.
November 16,2015:Precious angel: My heart screams for you, the tears surround me in a nothing place as i think of you constantly..you would be almost seven my beautiful ,handsome boy,,why i don't get this i know my existence has no value but yours was so wonderful and special..you were truly airacle baby and had your whole life ahead of you only to have it taken away..oh little one you were are the light of my life ther eis only you and as it gets closer to your birthday and christmas i have to holed on so tightly for ther eis emptiness and darkness without you,i miss you so little one my precious ,sweet little pusskin, child of my heart,
November 17,2015:Precious angel> Sylena.sara and i went to your spot today.We brought a pine tree plant, i put some crayons and a little car in it,And three flashing solar lights, You would have like dthem, When we had some battery christmas lights you sat in your chair and pulled all the lights off..you loved christmas lights and christmas music,especially "away in a manger" we played it over and over again on the computer when you were born, I wanted you to hear music..you loved music your videos rock a bye your bear..itsy biy spider finger people, always music ,videos, i miss you so much,,you were so smart..so beautiful, so precious to me i love you angel boy yesterday,today and forever you are my sweet little cuddlebum and my heart keeps breaking over and over.
November 23.2015:Precious angel?Grmma misses you so much..i see only you in my memories and the screaming within me gets louder and more frantic andi am lost in the emptiness and nothingness of time without you.I tried little one but i failed as youa re not here..everything i did i did for you there was and is only you.As your birthday approaches, i can't stand this..sp many things you would have done, would be doing and now nothing..nobody buys presents for your b day..christmas..i bring what i can each week when we go to the cemetery i bring something for you..my miracle baby and now youa re not here but with God..you are supposed to be here growing but you are not..just me stuck in a time where i can't go any where i am here with your memories such precious beautiful memories of you and i reach for you and i can't feel you, my life stopped when yours did why the hell didn't God take me instead..everything has been so difficult and nobody cares i just want to be with you..i love you my beautiful, sweet boy always and forever you are my heart and soul.I love you angel
November 24,201`5:Precious angel:Sylena and i went to your spot.We brought a dora christmas book and some little cars..i try and pick out ones you would have liked.I miss you so much little one. the cries of my heart and soul go unheard..so many things you would be doing this christmas..from crafts to cookies..but not just christmas a week till your b day..how happy we all were at your birth you were our little miracle..my angel..but God took you back four years later and i will neer be able to pick up the millions of pieces that i call my heart..you are loved beyond measure..and missed always..you are my angel..i love you pusskin.
NOVember 27,2015: precious angel: I miss you so much.i wake up all through the night and reach foryou. i would touch your little baby face and you would smile and i would fall asleep holding your hand..i always kept one hand on you so i could feel you breathing..i was so careful but i lost you anyway..my sweet boy there is nothing in my life there was only you..where is God to allow this terrible thing..you are missing your seventh birthday..you are missing and my heart will never be whole again till i am with you in heaven..your birhtday christmas..i don't know how i can do this again without you..i imagine how you would look what you would be doing now and there is no place for tears yet they never stop..my beautiful little cuddle bum does anyone call you the names i id in heaven you are my beautiful angel baby always forever i love you pusskin.
November 29,2015Precious angel: I watched a video of you when you were about two playing the organ.How you loved music you would press the keys and dance and listen so perfectly..so smart so beautiful..i am so sorry little one you should be here with me my life for yours in a heartbeat..my precious baby boy my heart is gone theres nothing left to break,,it's done i can't breathe with the pain of your loss why God why...why could You not have helped made things better allowed this little perfect child to live..my life was only worth something in my care of him,,he was my everything ..let my little boy know he is always in my thoughts..never a forgotten moment..my precious ,sweet baby i cry for you.i love you so.
December 1.2015: Precious angel: It is almost your seventh birthday.My heart is broken,dead..crying reaching for my beautiful boy.Your birth was such a miracle..you fought so hard to live and you are gone.Does God make a special day for you? Why did He allow your death..my little,sweet love..i can't bear this..you are not in my arms..there is no laughter..no smiles..no cuddles no nothing for you are not here in this world anymore and i am waiting..i love you sweet pusskin grammas little cuddlebum,,i love you so,
Cecember 2.2015Precious angel.YOu are seven years old today my beautiful little one..it';s your birthday.Please God remember his special day for it was so very special..our miracle baby...Angel boy you are my all in all we are going to your spot all of us to release lanterns and balloons to remember the best one of our lives i love you so little puss my heart and soul cry and cry i miss you sweet boy..i love you always forever there is no end to my love you are my precious angel.
December 2.2015:Precious angel: Sara. je4nny,josh,jody, sylena and shelly and i went o your spot for your birthday,We released lanterns, balloons and tied two special elmo balloons to your light post,I brought a snowman solar light you would have liked it all.You loved balloons..you always had them for your birthday..the cats liked to play with them too,,your last birthday you threw your dora balloon downstairs becuase fluff y wouldn't stop playing with it,,you loved to let them hit the ceiling so they would play music. im so sorry little one tht you are not here..you were merant to be and nothing is any good anymore for my angel baby isn't here to clap his hands,,to sing..to play to be a boy just me in nothing time..crying for my angel.I love you so much my little cuddlebum,,
December 5,2015Precious angel: I miss you so much.I am so sorry little one that you are not here,my thoughts are always and forever of you,only you, there is nothing here without you,.time keeps moving forward,the birds sing outside and all i can think about is that your heart is not beating but the birds hearts are and how can my God allow the death of my beautiful boy when the birds are so alive.My baby my angel boy..always you were are angel to gramma..alays my miracle my love my life..now i only have the memories we had together i always told you together we would be forever you and me and now you are not here i am so sorry.why does my heart beat and yours does not..my heart is in so may pieces and it still beats to nothing for you were my everything and nothig can ever make things ok again,i love you sweet puss feel my love for it is only for you my angel boy,i love you little one and my soul cries.
December 8,2015Precious angel: Sylena and i went to your spot,we brought a little car and a reindeer whose nose lights up when u press the foot.I was told your spot lights up well in the dark with your lights.Oh baby boy how my heart breaks and cries for this wrong..for my little angel boy who wanted to live.I don't understand why when you were so beautiful and full of life why you are not here.Almost christmas and my little sweet cuddlebum isn't here,No little boy no nothing..oh angel i am so sorrty you should be here being a little boy..i miss you so .The hurt never goes away how could it for there is nothing without you.Empty time nothing ,8i love you little one for alltime.
December 11.2015:Precious angel:How i miss you.I wait and wait for God to bring you back,but he refuses to hear me een though i believe He can do all things,,you were ripped out of my life and time makes no difference..my heart and soul are always in a state of nothing wanting my sweet boy..to see you playing, running being a boy..is all i ever wanted for yu to be happy to adventure..i got such great pleasure 3watching you play..touching your little face while you slept next to me so beautiful so everything now nothing,,i miss you so much..my sweet angel boy..always youw ere grammas angel.always in my heart..always a part of me..i love you little one and nothing can ever hold back my tears for they will forever fall, I love you angel always and forever my little cuddlebum,
December 11.2015:Precious angel:You should be here decorating the christmas tree..running around it..sitting in your rocking chair under the tree watching the twinkling lights listening to christmas music..so many favorites..away in a manger..we played it constantly when you were born for months..seven years ago at this time all you heard was away in a manger..and all songs mixed together. we were so happy,,you in my arms cuddled so warmly..i always kept a little hat on your head so you wouldn't get a chill..i am so sorry..so sorry why didn't God take me instead,,all was for you..yet i failed you for you are not here there is no tree..ever again for there is no joy you were my never ending joy but it ended and now i face an emptiness that is forevr with me for my baby is not here there is no merry in christmas for you were my everything..always and forever know you were, are the child of my heart.i love you little angel for all eternity.
December 14,2015Precious angel:I miss you so very much.i don't have any words left..my reality is wrong..this path isn't right.yu are not here and you should be.how happy we all would be with you laughing and playing being a boy..i am so sorry i missed that there was something wrong inside of you,it never entered my mind..you were you, you didn't have to be like anyone else..my special little christmas miracle..now you are not here and i don't believe in miracles anymore..there is no greater love than i had for you, always have for you..i look for you but you aren't here and God doean't hear me,,i hope He is good to you in heaven i want to know you are special in heaven as you were here as you always will be..but you were meant to be here with me for me to love beyond measure..i love you angel and my heart cries all the time for my sweet boy who deseareved to have a life..i am sorry sweet pusskin,,always forever my heart.
December 15,2015Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,We brought a thomas train,hot wheels cars, christmas ornament, thomas train bank and a large snow globe.You would have loved watching the snow inside of it.You would have loved everything..you loved everything..and my beautiful boy you were love itself..no greater love than the love i have for you..how my heart cries that you are not here..it's wrong so wrong so unfair..you wee our christmas miracle..all was for you all was you and now i am lost crying for this precious little boy..i love you little angel always and forever in my heart,
December 18.2015 Precious angel..my beautiful little boy..my thoughts my heart everything longs for you reaches out to you..the tears make lakes and rivers and have no place to go why why God my little ,sweet innicent child..was ther enot enough Lord why this little one..the joy of my heart my soul..why not take me and leave angel here to be with others let him live why lord..there are no answers..he had a right to be a boy and to grow up..there was so much love surrounde dby love like no other yet he isn't here and i wait wait to be with him..never will i feel his baby body in my arms..his little habd clutching mine his breath on my face..see his looks of love..watch him play..now just empty time and as others celebrate christmas i drown in nothubgness for my anel isn't here and i am and i shouldn't be..i miss you pusskin so much..and pray God sees you as special for you were so special to me then and now ..i love you my little cuddlebum.
December 20.2015Precious angel: Gramma is crying for you..i remember how you would pick each video on my phone each night when we went to bed..the night before christmas..u loved that..fisher price record player..music boxes..lwiggles red car..twinkle little star and you would do your twinklers..as long as i am her ei am without you..you were my e4verything..my all in all my life..each christmas..each day is harder..baby boy ther eis no greater love than the love i have for you..i am so sorry little one..this is so wrong..i miss you sweet boy...i love you child of my heart...
December 22,2015:Precious angel: we didn't get to go to your spot as sylena had to work,I look forward to going there every week,,it's the only thing i do and wait for is going to ytour resting place every tuesday..my heart and soul will never stop crying for my beautiful boy..you should be enjoying the holiday season watching snowflakes as they fall through the sky..so much my precious angel..i love you my words fail me for my pain is never ending..this is wrong snd my prayers remain unanswered..God does not hear the cries within me for you have not come back,,i love you little pusskin child of my heart.