september 21;2020
allor to turn back the time,
2
A
HJune 2.2017December 24, 2015 25.2015: I tried to write last night christmas eve but the page refreshed/My heart was crying for you.you are my christmas miracle and you aren't here..i know you wanted to be ..and this is wrong..i shouldn't be here...i miss you so much,.,,always my thoughts are on you my precious little boy is God giving you presents in heaven,,does he let you remember how much i love you..my beautiful boy i tried so hard..this is going to time out i love you little one my cuddlebum.
Angel..my sweet boy..i don't know why God doesn't hear the crying of my heart..the screams within my soul...the God I have always loved took my angel boy and let me empty..another year is going to start as i wait to be with you..why didn't God take me too or just take me,,why you why someone so innocent and so full of love and joy,,,you never cried i tried to meet all your needs and i failed you AREN'T HERE i wait and wait it's christmas day and everyone is goner and i wonder and imagine whst it would have been like to have you here..to grow to play i can't handle much more you are my everything alwys forever and nobody understands how much i miss my sweet angel boy,i love you pusskin,
December 27.2015:Sylena and i went to your spot today.it's sunday we usually go on tues,.but as we has high winds i wanted to make sure your things weren't broken or blown away.it was strange as there were branches everywhere and trees broken but all your things were in place almost as if someone watched over them.My beautiful boy i love you so much,,my thoughts are of you, i am so sorry pusskin,,you are and always will be the child of my heart,,my joy..my heart beats but there is nothing inside i love you little one.
December 31.2015:Precious angel:Another year is ending,another starting and my heart and soul cry for my angel child;I miss you so much..nothing but empty time as i look for you .when i see children your age i pause and see you.It's you i see your voice i hear.MY little one gramma misses you every second of the day night always forever you are the child of my heart..i am so sorry baby boy,,,this is so wrong..the God i have always believed in let my sweet angel die and my heart beats but it beats to nothing..i love you my little pusskin..always and forever till i am with you and you are in my arms again,
January 2.2016:Precious angel: I am still here,another year beginning and there is nothing..i look forward to going to your resting spot every week,,sylena is good to drive..you are always in my heart and thoughts there is only always you nothing else..you were, are my all in all my sweet angel boy and my soul cries constantly to God to bring you back as i know He is able..what are you doing in heaven do you remember how much i love you how much you mean to me..i love you sweet pusskin always forever you are the child of my heart.I love you,
January 5,2016Precioua angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot today..sara shovelled the snow away and i brushed the snow off of your things.Little one you should not be there not be in the ground..why Lord..why my angel boy..so sweet and innocent..and loved beyond comprehension.We brought a pinwheel that lights up and a small picture of you a a baby and hung them on your post.Angel can you not hear the cries of my heart find a way back into my arms..ask God for mercy ask Him to remember that we prayed each morning your hand in mine...where is God...my little pusskin i miss you so much..there will never again be anything within me for you were and are mya ll in all..i love you sweet boy..always and forever.
January 7.2016:Precious angel: Weather is nice today and i can almost see you running and playing..i imagine your laughter your growth seeing you play how i enjoyed just watching you, being beside you.oh little one never was there a child loved the way i love you..i tried so hard but it wasn't enough always with you..next to you,your little hand in mine..this is so wrong..i see you and only you..i pray and pray for God to return my sweet angel...where is God to allow such a thing..my pusskin does anybody in heaven remember my pet names for you do you know you are my cuddle bum and how we tickled your little cootchie coos..i love you puss never anyone but you always forever little one.
January 10:Precious angel: My thoughts are always of you forever..i am so sorry you should be here being a boy..i grieve for all the things you never got to do..so many foods you didn't taste..the adventuring you missed out on..i tried little one..there is no greater love than gramma has for you..yet it wasn't enough i miss you so angel child of my heart..my life stopped when God allowed you to die..not right should have been me not you..you had your whole life ahead of you now we have nothing..i love you little one my heart and soul cries constantly to God to bring you back for He is able..i love you angel child.
January 12.2016:Precious angel: we are planning on going to your spot today..weather is snowing so not sure.Always you are in my thoughts my heart and my heart is always breaking, pieces falling off and shattering never ending..always little one it is you..i am so sorry ..i miss you so much..i don't know how i am bearing this..there is no greater agony than this my precious little boy ..my arms..my lap holds nothing..i ask God over and over to bring you back to complete our lives together i used to say you and me together will be you will see you and me the siamese cat song and you would look at me...now i look at your pictures and touch them...i love you little pusskin so very much.
January !@:Precious angel:WE did end up going..sylena,sara and i to your resting place..we brought a heart picture of you and a little car..how can your little baby body be in the ground..how could your heart just stop...the heart i would feel beating on mine each day when i picked you up off of our be i would say your heart on mine..i am so sorry little one..how i wish for a minute to feel you in my arms to see your smile,hear your laughter to see you opening a kinder egg..just to be with you..the rest of my life for a minute with my beautiful baby..God isn't listening to me the cries of my heart and soul go unanswered..i love you little pusskin for all eternity you are mine.
January 16:2016:Precious angel: I think of you all the time..i reach out to your pictures to hold u..i remember the wonderful feel of you on my arms..your laughter..your smile..your beautiful curls and blue eyes..i remember everything all the time and i pray each day i cry out to God to bring my angel baby back,,,you should be here now..playing being you , a boy with a future..i loved you so much little one..i sit and think of you always you and nothing else..i am so sorry little pusskin..it wasn't supposed to be this way..this was your time your time to be loved without measure..my life stopped when you passed away now i wait to be with you to hold you in my arms again my precious little love,
January 19.2016:Precious angel;Sylena.sara and i went to you spot this morning.We brought a bunny rabbit with blue eyes.We brushed the snow off of your lights and toys..lights and toys you will never see again in this world. The trees were pretty and i wondered if you would have trees in heaven,i know ther eis no darkness for Christ is the Light. But you my precious sweet beautiful boy should be here with me, Not a second goes by that i don't miss you, love you want you in my arms..my heart and soul cry constantly to God but you aren't here..you loved wonder pets i saw a flyboat and remembered how we would watch it..how you loved watching your videos and when you wanted to watch netflix and not your videos you would go to the back of the tv and pull out the cords..every memory is locked forever in my heart but i want more i want my innocent baby with me..i love you so little one..does anyone in heaven call you cuddlebum or pusskin..i love you little angel of my hear.
January 21.2016:Precious angel:Always you are in my thoughts and my heart overflows wiuth tears that have no place too go the rivers rush by and leave me behind..i miss you so much..every day i ask God for you but i am here..i shouldn't be..all my love wasn't enougfh what good is it..i am just here in nothing time wanting you so much..i see you everywhere but in memories i can't touch you or see your smile or hear your laughter but i see your life before me every little detail and i can't stop screaming inside why has God taken my everything my soul my life you are everythibng to me and i suffer..endlessly in wanting you you are my all in all and i see nothing but you know i love you with a everlasting neverending love as my heart and soul reach to you.my beautiful precious sweet angel love.
January 21.2016:Precious angel: I see only you.WHY aren't you here whya re other children here and not my beautiful boy? I can't stop the tears they just keep falling i am missing you so much..i am so sorry i tried so hard but i failed because you aren't ehre..never was a child loved as much as i love you angel boy..there is only you and this is so unfair..it's wrong..i want you in my arms so much to hear your little baby voice your laughter but i hear nothing and time goes by and doesn't care..but i care sweet boy for you, only you , this is wrong and i can't handel much more..Where is God that He doesn't hear my cries..what are you doing in heaven you are su possed to be here,I love you angel always angel baby only you forever my heart cries..i miss you so i am so sorry pusskin..i love you.
january 26.2016:Precious angel:WE didn't go to your spot today as road conditions are bad, My thoughts are always centered on you.There is nothing i do or no place i go that i don't remember..always little one. In the bathroom..i remember you touching the taps changing the water flow..filling your toys with water so they overflowed,opening closing the window shutters, sliding down the tub and i would catch you, closing the cupboard door..so many things every thought is on you no matter where i am or what i am doing.That will never stop till we are together again,My perfect angel boy i am so sorry. it didn't matter that i tried so very hard and i did try hard it wasn't enough for you are not here..but never was a child loved to the extent i love you now and forever my sweet angel boy you are grammas little love, my heart and soul.
January 26.2016:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i did go this afternoon to your spot.WE brought crayons with kinder toys. We brushed the snow off of your things and sara shoveled a path.I miss you little one..i see your pictures everywhere looking at me..i look at your pictures on my phone every night when i go to bed it used to be me and you going to bed now it's just me without my angel boy..I love you little one always and forever grammas beautiful boy,my cuddlebum.
FEbruary 1.2016:Precious angel:Time mo9ves on i can't make it stop..my life stopped when yours did..now there is nothing i wonder why i am here when my beautiful,sweet boy isn't..you deserve to be here..i am so sorry little one..my thoughts my memories constantly see you and only you i see a bird and wonder why it's heart is beating how can God care more for that bird than my precious angel child..why do i hear the bid sing and you don't why do i see the snowflakes..the simple things that held such joy are only now seen in the context that you can't..i miss you every second and think of you day and night..my beautiful boy i love you angel always forever you are in grammas heart and soul..i love you.
FEbruary 2.2016:Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.we brought a twirrly thing and a chunky little people..i have a valentine monkey for next time...we brushed the snow off of your things and lights..i love you little one always..my thoughts are on you. The memories play like constant videos in my head and i keep them close to me..and ask God each day to bring my special boy back,,my sweet angel,,so beautiful and full of love..there is only you in my heart and soul...always forever grammas angel child.
February 5.2016:Precious angel:Can u feel my love in heaven..do u remember how much i love you and cry and cry for my beautiful boy?Everything is gone and i am in hell..and weill remain so till i see my precious sweet boy again//oh little one i tried so ahrd why did God take you why my soul cries to God each day and he isn't listening..we prayed each morning your little hand in mine to a God to our God and He didn't answer...why..i miss you angel boy..i see nothing but emptiness and others make it harder..and harder ..i tried angel you know i spent every sec with you watching caring all was for you but it wasn't enough and it is my fault..my life for urs in a heartbeat..i just want to be with you for my life has no other purpose just for my baby angel..always angel...feel my love and the tears falling always in my heart with no place to put them..reaching to heaven to see my beautiful little love.i love you angel child..forever and always eternity.
February 6.2016Precious angel..i miss you so very much..i reach for your pictures, your smil, your hair and i can't stop the tears they are everywhere..i love you so little one..i am so sorry for all the things you never got to do...my sweet angel boy you are grammas soul..my heart my all in all and there is nothing without you ..i love you little one my cuddlebum,,
February 9.2016:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot this morning..we brought a red monkey for valentines day...sara shovelled as there was a lot of snow..little one..my heart beats but the tears keep falling..God isn't answering me..each day i ask Him to bring my little boy back to feel you in my arms again..i am so sorry pyusskin..gramma tried so hard but you aren't here so it wasn't enough..i love you sweet boy always forever you are my heart and soul till we are together and you are once again in my arms where you belong..my precious angel baby, i love you.
f3BRUARY 12.2016:pRECIOUS ANGEL: i THINK OF YOU ALL THE TIME..VIDEOS OF YOU PLAY IN MY HEAD ALL DAY EVENING TIMe i see your face flash over and over when i go to bed..i try to feel you in my arms to feel your heartbeat next to mine, your little hand holding mine.You loved lifting your hands in the air and i would put my hand back and forth between yours you though it was funny..u loved doing your twinklers you loved so much you were mostly always happy so smart so beautiful, The cries of my heart and soul go unheard..God does not answer even though i know He is present. You are my all in all, my everything my beautiful angel child and the screaming within me will never stop for you are not here..i love you sweet pusskin..so very much and i cry and cry...
February 18,2016:Precious angel:MY sweet little one my heart cries out to you constantly..i look for you maybe God will show mercy but you aren't here..your pictures look at me i look at them and the memories flood my soul and the tears within me have no place to go..so many things you would be doing now...memories like videos play over and over and there is only ever you little one my beautiful precious little pusskin..gramma misses you every sec of the day and night..i love you angel boy..
FEbruary 16.2016:Precious angel.Sylena sara and i went to your spot.e brought a stuffie bear and i put an orange truck inside of it..it was one you played with in the ;laundryroom downstairs.You liked to open and close the bathroom doors down there..and you had a cube down there..a pool with balls..everything was for you..i tried so hard little one and now i have to go to the cemetery to bring you something you will never play withor hold in your baby hands..You were are all things,everything to me..time now just is and does nothing i do nothing for you aren't here i love you more than all things always forever angel child you are mine.
February 21.2016:Precious angel: I just don't have any words left there is nothing..always you sweet boy..i imagine holding you in my arms i smile at your pictures i am so sorry little one..i tried so hard but u aren't here and i am crying for you always .how you loved yout trains,thomas, videos wiggles, smurfs christmas shows,ipod..kinder eggs..i remember everything every little detail sweet boy and my heart breaks over and over how it is possible i don't know hurt upon hurt with no place to put it all,,all i ever want is you angel you are my everything my all in all and now emptiness is everywhere and the tears keep falling and falling and i can't breathe i want you i pray each day to God to bring my little cuddlebum back my pusskin..what do they call you in heaven does anyone call you angel like i do,,i love you little one so much and miss you all the time my sweet pusskin grammas little love always forever sweet boy.
February 23.2016:Precious angel: I miss you so much..there is nothing without you.I can't stop the tears i don't understand any of this why you why my beautiful perfect boy? You were love perfect..beautiful all things good is what you were..love beyond measure sweet boy why wasn't it enough i wish i knew then what i know now..why doesn't God answer why did He allow this terrible thing why you why not me..God knew my life would be nothing without you you were meant to grow up and laugh and play you loved music waving your arms in the air your little hands to the music...i love you baby boy and my heart screams for being left behind
February 24.2016"Precious angel:Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today. We brought a little white lamb and i tied it to yourlight post.You would have liked it..so many things you would have liked little one.i am so sorry little puss,You were the light of my life and now ther eis no light darkness is everywhere..my heart cries sweet boy at the wrongness the injustice of all this..you should be here in my arms being you,i love you.
February 25,2016:Precious angel.My thoughts are like videos of you over and over in my head..memories and then no more..i look out the sunroom windows and ser you om your toys sliding, swinging, playing in the sand blowing bubbles, sitting in the clover patch running to the back yard..playing in the tree house with your toys...opening and closing the shed door..the back door..the door on ur winnie pooh house..you loved opening closing doors..turning lights off you w anted them off you w ould climb up on uour toys to turn off the living room light..so much so alive so you im crying crying screaming wanting you and emptiness is everywhere and i need you my precious little angel boy..i love you and miss you every sec of this life.
March 2.2016:Precious angel;Sylena sara and josh and i went to your spot.We brought a book,a solar ladybug and a fluffy brown bear.There was lots of snow and we brushed everything off..little one my heart breaks constantly and i can't stop crying i miss you sp much..i need you in my arms to se eyour beautiful smile but my little sweet boy isn't here..they put your body in a box ion the ground and theres snow on top and i see your picture on the stone and i scream at God to bring you back but He isn't listening if He was listening He would not have allowed this terrible thing..my angel boy how big you would be i am so sorry sweet pusskin,,i love you.
March 3.2016:Precious angel: I am missing you so much..This doesn't feel real..but you aren't here it has to be it's so wrong..i want to see you, ho;d you hear your little boy laughter and giggles to watch you play..i loved to watch you play throwing sand up in the air it would get on your hat..you loved your sandboxes..your glider everything you were so perfect little one i miss you so the tears won't ever stop my life stopped when yours did i don't understand why my heart has to keep beating when i can't hear yours feel yours see your smiling face oh little one feel my love i miss u and love you for al lof eternity.
March 8,2016:Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today.We brought as ladybug solar light and a book.I look at your picture on the stone and i can't understand it doesn't make sense that my beautiful little one is in a box in the ground..what are you doing there you are not supposed to be there you are supposed to be with me, me and our family,,you were supposed to grow have children have a life to live..why God i ask Him every day to bring you back i am waiting..angel i love you so much why you, so sweet and perfect so good so sweet my angel boy i cry and cry and nobody hears for i am in hell..i love you little pusskin.
March 10.2016;Precious angel:My heart cries for you all the time..i am so sorry you were all that mattered i tied so hard and you aren't here i have no place to put my tears they flow from my soul and try and reach to God who has not brought my angel boy baclk so innocent and pure beautiful special my everything why..how i don't understand you were never out of my sight everything was for you always you to hold you in my arms to watch you play was heaven for me..your sweet smile your hand in mine your laughter looks of love i see you in my heart and mind in videos awlays running through my head but you aren't here i love you little one like no other more than is possible to love you were are my everything my all in all my angel child our miracle i love you sweet pusskin my heart and soul.
March 12.2016:Little baby pusskin: My heart and soul are reaching out to heaven to you, to God to hear my prayer to bring my angel boy bac,,why God i have no answers when i have always loved You You took our sweet boy when You could have heard our prayers..how much love he had would have had no one was ever sweeter more special than our angel child..oh little puss gramma cries constantly for you, for all you could have done, all you would have become..how you loved music your little hands would wave in the air when you hear your "rock aby your bear by the wiggles on your video so beautiful so special you would be doing do much i would hear gramma from you hear your beautiful voice the sounds of laughter see your smiles the blueness of your eyes..i love you little always forever you are mine.
March 15,2016:Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot.We brought a solar ladybug and a bunny for easter..how can there be easter for other kids and not you you aren't getting anything but what i bring to the cemetery is God allowing youto grow and be a boy inb heaven is He making you special..you were are so special ,so beautiful my all in all angel boy my cuddle bum you have no toes for anyone to play with and call your little couchie coos all my little names for you my beautiful boy my heart cries constantly i don't understand and nothing can change this wrong..though God could i ask Him every day and look for you i am so sorry little one i miss you and love you beyond all else my precious angel boy.
Marc h 16.2016: Precious angel: How can this be will i ever wake up from this nightmare i want to look up and see my angel baby playing growing doing boy things..but i am awake and i don't want to be this is time i am in but not living for there was only living with you. this is an existance that is but is empty with nothing in the time for you were are my everything all things were in my precious little pusskin my boy..no greater love than the love we had for each other my hear and soul cry to God for mercy for you ..i love you so my little cuddlebum..i miss you every sec of the day and night always sweet boy it is only you. forever my angel child..my heart is joined to eternity with yours and cries and cries at this seperation.i love you little one.
march 20;2016:Precious angel: i am missing you so much..i don't understand sweet boy..everything was for you and yet you are not here in my arms..memories are everywhere such wonderful memories of you but there isn't enough you are meant to be here and something went wrong oh baby boy i am so sorry why didn't God take my life why such a beautiful child with your whole life ahead of you..this is wrong..emptiness is everywhere .air with nothing just time that goes by as time does what are you doing in heaven now..i miss you little one so much not fair i know..i love you for all time and miss you more than words can ever express child of my heart and soul..
March 22.2016:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot..we brought a ladybug solar light and i clipped it onto a bears ear.and a book.I miss you angel boy nobody knows how much are you able to feel my love in heaven,,is it all new there till i get to be with you? Are you busy will you have kinder eggs and thomas trains..does it continue how do you adjust..i think of you all the time and i look at your pictures your eyes in your pictures every night all day me sweet boy where is God when my heart and soul cry and cry and no one hears i only want and need my angel boy i miss you so always forever the child of my heart.
March 24.2016: Precious angel: My heart cries for you .it is almost easter and you are not here everyone will be here but not you. i am in hell..torn into tiny pieces .i am so sorry pusskin you wee are my everything and this is a twilight place where time goes on as time does but i am stuck in it..my beautiful sweet boy..i love you so,
March 27.2016:Precious angel:It's easter and i have to beautiful boy holding an easter basket opening gifts..i miss you so precious child.Everyone will be here but not little angel,,how big you would be now,,how beautiful..you were all that is love,good pure..sweet this is wrong..my heart will never stop breaking..for you are not here..there is only you forever and always in my heart..i love you angel boy,,little pusskin child of my heart.
March 29.2016:Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot. We brought a book with one of your little cars..oh little one i know you can't see us or hear us as you ar ein heaven with God and my family..i know that one day when we are together
again i believe we together will see. I miss you angel never was a baby loved as much as you yet love weasn't enough i am so sorry i am so sorry for the many things you never got to do..you are my everything now and always forever my little love.
April 1,2016Precious angel: Child of my heart..your little hand in mine..your hair blowing in the breeze your laughter your smiles your "gramma" you all i want is my beautiful boy..i feel your loss every second of the day and night.Time does not go by without you in it..the unfairness,,the wrongness..this is no longer life..i exist in a nothing place without you and i know sometime i will be with you seems so long now almost three years and you are not here and God has not brought you back though He could but i remain in a lost place with the clocks ticking endlessly on reminding me of time where you are not.I love you little one my cuddlebum,,my special little angel always forever there is only you in my heart and the tears never end even when there is no place for them to go.i love you pusskin my beautiful boy.
April 5,2016:Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot,we brought angel light..it turns different colours how you would have liked to look at it just as you loved to watch your bubbles..i would blow bubbles for you as you rode your bike so you could see them and drive through them..this is wrong..why aren't you here why didn't you get to grow and play..my beautiful little angel boy why God..why did You allow this terrible thing..angel you are my everything and my heart beats as if it were dead for there is only you and i can't take much more and nobody knows or understands how very much i miss you.You are in every thought awake or asleep there is just my little sweet pusskin, i love you little one always forever to eternity my sweet angel child.
April.7.2016:Precious angel>How afraid you must have been when u passed away and you couldn't find me..i can't stop the tears they are everywhere this daily nothing is like drowning and getting tired of coming up for air for there is no reason for anything anymore..there was only you and this is so wrong..why does time continue when you aren't in it..i am so sorry my beautiful boy..i long for you you were my everything and always will be..i love you baby angel boy with all my heart and soul without you emptiness abounds and time tick tocks to it;s own beat taunting me i love you little sweet boy...always forever my angel child.
April 11.2016:Precious angel.Time goes by so very slowly i miss you so much. every thought every sec of this time i am here i think of you..and only you..my heart beats and i remember holding you each morning as i lifted you off of the bed i would hold you so close to feel the beating of your heart on mine and i would say'your heart on mine' and you would smile and i would put you down and we would go into the living room..there is nothing without you i pray each morning and ask God to bring you back as i know He is able to to keep you special in heaven and to let you know how much i love you always forever mt sweet little pusskin..i love you,
April 12.2016"Precious angel: we are going to your spot soon..my heart cries to you. I want you in my arms not in a box in the ground. this is wrong and i scream to God does He hear my cries for my angel boy..i love you little one for all time and then some please God bring my little boy back,,into my arms singing ,playing being a boy..to look into your arms and hold you to be with you is all i ever wanted just you i love you,
April 12/2016:Precious angel.Sylena, sara and i went to your spot..we brought a white stuffie ..i will always bring something for you each time we go every tuesday..you are forever in my heart and soul a part of me that now is empty..i miss you so much always angel boy..always in my thoughts the memories are constant and i welcome them for there was only you .ther eis nothing without you..i mis s you angel my baby cuddlebum,,my pusskin boy..how beautiful you were and are always my everything i love you sweet angel.
April 17,2016:Precious angel: I miss you so..i sit and imagine you here but you would be seven now..and i don't have that memory you aren't here and my heart breaks into little pieces over and over each day.The beautiful memories i have play over and over i see you counting apples outside riding your bikes, playing in the bubbles, sand running..doing boy things laughter and eyes sparkling..being alive and i cling tight to those memories and i cry for there isn't any more.i remember everything..my precious little one. there is only you always and forever my sweet love.
April 19.2016:Precious angel: Sylena, sara and i went to your spot.We brought a cute stuffed puppy and i picked up tulips in a pot. Little one my heart cannot contain the pain i am in i want you my beautiful boy so much but your body is in the ground it doesn't grow anymore.i don't know what you are doing in heaven,. but you aren't here with me, with us.. i don't hear your"gramma" i don't see you smile at me or your love looks you should be here i am sos orry i tried so hard and you aren't here. i ask God each day to bring you back to me for i believe He can but He hasn't as yet..i ask Him to be good to you in heaven to be specail like you were here and will always be in my heart and soul..there are only never ending tears now and nobody understands..for life goes on but yours stopped and so did mine for i love you so. my sweet angel baby..ther eis only you now and always for me.i love you pusskin.
April 21.2016:Precious angel: i think of you all the time..there is never a time when i am not thinking of you.There is only my beautiful precious boy nothing else ever..memories like videos play through my head breaking my heart..i love you so little one..i think of what you would be doing now how happy we would be,,how happy we were..we were living each day not thinking of never having a tomorrow..this is so wrong and i can't fix it..i ask God every day to bring you back to let me feel your little hand in mine your heart beating on mine as i hold you close but ther eis nothing now..as i continue to watch you in my minds eye and my heart flows rivers that will never stop till we are together again my precious little baby i love you and miss you all the time.
April 26.2016:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot..brought yellow tulips and next time we are planting them and a yellow rosebush,Oh little one you are always in my thoughts day and night..thee is nothing more..i look at children and don't understand why they are here and my perfect, beautiful innocent sweet boy is not.it doesn't make any sense..i love you baby boy more than anything yesterday today and forever ther eis only you in my heart and God does not hear my prayer to bring you back i beleive He could if He wanted too ..you are my everything ..i love you little one always and forever my heart and soul.
April 29.2016:Precious angel: Always there is only you in my thoughts..this time in this world goes on but i see only you ,I see you closing the door and opening it on your winnie pooh house outside,on the glider with sara while i wave to you and clap my hands..closing opening doors castle house..you loved to close open doors,to turn lights off.you would stand on your toys and turn the living room light off and i would sneak over and turn it on so you would always have light..you wee the light of my life..now ther eis darkness for there was only you and i can't hold my beautiful angel now..there is no little hand in mine...no smiles or laughter only a never ending pain filled with nothing for my sweet baby boy is not here..why God why..where is Your mercy i pray each day i prayed each day and this is the result unbearable pain my heart breaks over and over and YOu do not hear me..i am nothing to You..my baby Lord bring him back my beautiful precious littler one.i love you baby boy forever.
May 1.2016:Precious angel: three years ago you were here safe in my love and arms.Did i waste minutes.seconds..every sec was for you.every thought was for you..everything is empty now..i reach for you but you aren't here only in my heart,my mind's eye and pictures..my memories ..it isn't enough why Lord this beautiful boy who loved music..only showed love..angel ther ewill always only be you in my heart..the weather is nice now and i try to imagine what you would be doing..you would be such a big boy riding your bike playing doing things boys do,,how handsome you would be for you were the most beautiful child i have ever seen..your love came from inside..this was your world and now it is mine with my memories of my little one that constantly flood my heart and soul..tears run constantly rivers flowing nowhere for there is no more room..i love you and miss you angel baby and i am so sorry my life for yours in a heartbeat..precious little pusskin..child of my heart i love you.
May 4.2016:Precious angel;Sylena,sara and i went to your spot.We brought a yellow rose bush which sara will plant next time.So you will have flowers yellow roses and yellow tulips.You loved flowers you picked daisies for me and pulled the petals off..you loved getting apples off the apple trees and counting them you loved everything. Sand, swings, slides music, thomas trains kinder eggs crayons yur toys your ipod videos..i mis syou so much there is always now ans forever more only you sweet boy nothing can ever fix my heart and soul till we are together again..you are so beautiful my all in all..i love you so much and my thoughts day and night are on my precious angel boy i love you little one always and forever.
May 7.2016:Precious angel: Tomorrow is mother's day and my heart is crying in unison with my soul.Why my beautiful angel boy..why? Lord in heaven why did you allow this terrible thing when i loved him love him from the very depths of my being..so careful and still my little one was taken. I miss you so much angel baby..i sit here day after day and remember everything..there is only you little on nothing more nothing less and an hell i have no control over oh sweet pusskin i am so sorry you are meant to be here .i love you little one always forever,
May 10:2016:Precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,we brought a hanging basket of flowers.Sara hung it on your light post.She planted your rose bush and tulips..flowers for my angel,,always bring something..my little one my heart cries all the time for you.I pray and pray for you to come back to me..i dreamed of you last night you were older and i was giving you milk and you woke up, we wmt somewhere and then i woke up..my life for yours anytime..then now just Lord bring angel back,always in my thoughts always here but not in my mind my heart my soul..i miss you so..nobody knows the never ending nothing i grieve for all the things you didn't get to do.i am so sorry little one my precious angel..always and forever i love you.
May 15:2016:Precious angel: I don"t understand any of this why aren't you here God could have taken me why you my life for yours in a heartbeat..but i am here with a heart that will never mend..yiu wee my heart and soul and now there is emptiness everywhere that will never go away in this life.I miss you so much if my heart could bleed it would. i love you my little one always forever ther eis only you,
May 17.2016:Precious angel:Sylena and i went to your spot.I brought a butterfly on a stick and placed it in your rosebush.Sylena watered your flowers. Little child of my heart i don't understand how you r little baby body can be in the ground why you aren't here you are missing from our lives..there is nothing without you each day is a copy of the day before my precious little one there is only you..where this time goes i don't know it doesn't matter because you aren't here . So many things you didn't get to do .it's almost fireworks time and your last may here you noticed them for the first time,i see you sitting in your car while i push you back and forth in front of the tv and you were excited about the lights in the sky.I hate fireworks now because you can't see them i don't need to, I love you so little on always forever there is only you.
May 21.2016:Precious angel;How you would have loved the fireworks.Last may 2013 you were amazed you noticed them for the first time..this is so wrong..why i will never understand..i love you so much pusskin .My arms are empty my heart beats but it has nothing in it..memories fill me..i tried so hard but you aren't here,you deserved to be here not me i have lived my life yours was just beginning little one you are and always will be the child of my heart and soul..my precious little angel boy i love you.
May 23.2016:Precious angel:Sylena, sara and i went to your spot today.I brought a red solar rose and an angel necklace with your birthstone.Sara hung it on your care bear.I miss you sweet boy so very much. When we go to the cemetery my thoughts revolve around the fact that your little baby body the one i held so close and dressed and loved is in a box in the ground.My heart cries constantly for my angel always my angel always just you and nobody will ever understand.I am waiting for God to hear my prayers..to bring you back for i know God could and is able to, I love you sweet boy, always forever ther eis only you.
May 27.2016:Precious angel:My thoughts are always on you each day i ask God to bring you back i am waiting for He is able but you aren't here..how can this life so easily go on when my life ended when yours did ,,my heart beats but it is empty just like all the time around me , the time goes by but it is just time with nothing in it..empty time and i look for you listen for you,. This time does not get easier for you were my life my heart my all in all,,there is nothing but you,The apple tree down the street has flowers how you liked to pick those apples and line them up outside and count them you would count to ten.You wee so smart..maybe you didn't want to talk or respond i always knew what you wanted before anyway..i miss you so much nobody knows how much my heart and soul cry out to you all the time and nobody cares everyone is busy, i love you sweet boy and miss you all the time my sweet little pusskin i love you always forever my heart.
May 28,2016:Precious angel:My heart is crying for you, screaming in my soul at the injustice of this all,Never was a child loved watched over as much as you yet you are not here..almost three years without you, Three years ago today you were in my arms beside me at night beside me during the day always with me..nothing gets easier life goes on but mine stopped my heart beats but inside there is nothing left for you are not here .Why did God take you instead of me ,,nothing harder more painful then to be seperated from you..nothing in this world can ever make it right.God could if He so chose,,i miss you so much my very soul cries out to you sweet angel..remember how very much i love you always you only you my little baby bear my everything..i love you.
May 31.2016:Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,We brought a pooh bear planter and i planed sunflowers and daisies in it,You loved daisies and i remember you giving me some and pulling the petals off one by one,And i brought an itsy bitsy spider book ,You loved singing it and doing the motions..you loved doing songs with your hands,,you used to do twinklers with your hands,,so much finger family,You would look at your hands,,what beautiful little hands they were,,oh little one if my heart could bleed it would.Every time i see a child every time we go past mcdonalds, dairy queen the the places you never played i feel tears inside of me with no place to go,,i am so sorry pusskin i miss you so and my heart and soul cry constantly to God for my angel boy,i love you angel boy always you are my all in all,
June 4.2016:Precious angel, this doesn't allow for more than a few minutes at a time, i lost what i wrote,I miss you so much my sweet angel child.Three years ago you were here in my arms, I was pushing you in your car, feeding you, loving you not knowing we didn't have much time, You were happy you played your ipod games watched your videos you were always with me now you aren't here and my heart and soul cry out to God who remains silent. The pictures on the wall look at me and flood me with such wonderful memories and then there is nothing my sweet angel there is only you always you i love you and miss you forever you are the child of my heart..i love you little pusskin,
June 6.2016:Precious angel: I miss you so,Its been almost three years and feels like yesterday.like this is a nightmare and i need to wake up and you will be here..but you aren't my little ,sweet angel boy is in heaven with God..this is so wrong..God doesn't hear me when i ask constantly to bring you back..i love you little one so much and my heart cries to you..i love you angel,
June 7,2016:Precious angel?Sylena,sara and iw ent to your spot.I had planted sunflowers,daisyes and other red flowers in a little container..i brought them and sara planted them around your stone.I pulled up the long grass...there is so much you would be doing now..so much adventure learning playing..my heart cries all the time..i;m so sorry little one..i love you so much always forever into everlasting.
June 10.2016:Precious angel:I miss you so very much all the time..i love you more than anything love wasn"t enough. I am so sorry you would be riding your bike doing so much running into my arms laughing doing boy things child things but i don't hear you any more or see you only pictures smile at me your little arms don't reach for me i don't see your smiles when i would touch your face,,i love you so much my beautiful boy always forever only you in my heart and soul.i cry.
June 18.Precious angel.This isn't keeping everything i write. I mis syou so much. Tuesdays writing isn't here when we went to your spot.We brought solar lights.pulled up grass..this must be a nightmare and i need to wake up.i love you so much little one my soul ne ver stops crying..you should be here not me..in mya rms with us with me..running and playing why are other children here and not you why can't i see you hear you be with you you were are always my all in all.i love you my angel child.
June 22.2016:Precious angel>I miss you so much the pieces of my heart keep falling and falling with no place to go,,almost three years you have been gone it seems impossible my sweet boy how big you would be now how everything..i am so sorry for all the things you didn't get to do if love were enough you would be here for there was only you,always you my sweet pusskin my angel boy cuddle bum..this is so wrong i need y6ou always miss you..can't bear this i love you my little one always forever..you are the child of my heart.
June 24,2016:Precious angel:It has been three years it feels like yesterday and forever all put together,,i miss you so much. Sylen,jody sara me Kaylee and gerry and shelly went to your site to remember together our beautiful baby angel.We released balloons a lantern, brought a solar wind chime and flowers.My heart always cries ,I am so sorry little one my pusskin my cuddlebum boy i love you always forever,
June 27.2016:Precious angel.I see you riding your little trike up and around the driveway over and over with sara pushing you,I am blowing you bubbles so you can ride through them and catch them,I see you counting apples placing them on the side of the driveway counting them collecting them in your pockets..running..playing picking daisies..so much but not enough,I miss you so now there is nothing no angel baby riding a bike no laughter,,no smiles no joy emptiness stillness and searching for you and you aren't here but i am looking for you a noise a sound anything but emptiness..i miss you so much nobody knows i love you sweet boy always forever.you are my soul my heart my all in all angel child,
June 28.2016:Precious angel:Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,I brought flowers from here and water for your flowers and rose bush,I am so sorry little one you should be in my arms surrounded by love,family all things bright and good, You should be discovering this world but you aren't here and my heart cries for you all the time,,there is no place to contain all the tears for they will never stop.i love you sweet pusskin always forever my angel child.
July 5.2016:Precious angel: Sylena.sara.and i went to your spot ,We brought a pretty plant and watered everything there..i ask God every morning to bring you back i am waiting..ask for His mercy.And i ask that God lets you be special for you are special..that you know how much i love you, how sorry i am and how much i miss you little one.Why i am here and you are not i will never understand..my beautiful angel i miss you so..my heart really cries inside of me my tears are everywhere yet i am still here and i can't hold you in my arms ,I love you so much my little cuddlebum i miss you and i hate this ,,i love you my angel child..
July 11.2016:Precious angel: There are so many thoughts of you always you, the videos run through my head i miss you so i don't understand any of this you should be here i pray each day for you to come back,My God can do anything but you aren't here, I looked at your videos rickys room teach the world to sing..grouchland elmos cookbook y9u loved so many of them they were you..you laughed and played and loved to clap your hands to rock a bye your bear i can't deal with all this i have no choice my sweet angel child my heart and soul cry all the time for you i love you always little one we were meant to be together forever i am so sorry i love you.
July 12.2016:Precious angel: Sylena, sara an i went to your spot,I brought flowers and a solar light and water to water your rose bush and flowers.I miss you i think of you often the memories flood my soul and i look at pictures on the walls and wonder what you were thinking at the time ,This is wrong but so far God hasn't fixed it so may things you are supposed to be doing now..at the cemetery i say a few words but my thoughts are on the ground you are buried in and when we leave i am leaving you there it is wrong..you are my everything i love you my angel child.
July 15.2016:Precious angel: I miss you.,think of you want you all the time always tears always heartbreak my heart crumbles over and over. I am in hell and will be till i can be with you again all this time without you is so nothing so endless i reach for you in bed beside me at night but you aren't there no little face to touch that would smile at ne even if you were sleeping you knew my touch the sound of my voice now ther eis silence andless time i love you little one my angel baby always forever there is only you.
July 17:2016:Precious angel : I miss you so much, Your pictures look down on me and i remember i remember everything and this is unbeartable my little angel in heaven i am so sorry i tried so hard you were always next to me i was always with you.There was only you always there is only you now So beautiful and full of love and joy and giggles laughter and all things good Dear Lord why it's been three years and this is so meaningless,,nothing empty space time that tick tocks and empty arms and daily prayers to my God who isn't listening to me why didn't keep my beautiful child alive i love you so much sweet boy.always forever there is only you.
July 19.2016:Precious angel.Sylena and i went to your spot,Brought yellow flowers and water for all your plants.Always every week little one..i know you aren't there but your baby body is the one that laughed and giggled played held my hand and said gramma..now ther eis emptiness God knows that and i pray for mercy please bring my little angel baby back was wrong..my sweet boy i love you so much and my thoughts are always on you..i am so sorry little one my cuddlebum i miss you so.
July 23.2016:Precious angel: I love you so much..memories flood me and i cling to them,You were my everything..always forever.i used to tell you the siameses cat song..together we will be forever you'll see you and me..But you aren't here and i am waiting to be with you in heaven, You were meant to be here..i tried little one every sec but it wasn't enough i wasn't good enough for you you were so beautiful..your pictures look at me and i can see tears and my tears join with yours i miss you so my beautiful little cuddlebum..i love you.
JUly 24.2016:Precious angel>My beautiful baby i miss you so much every thought is about you why ,we should all be so busy now you me sara getting you ready for school buying everything you need and want there would be excitement and joy and new adventures i don't get any of this i tried so hard,,i am so sorry little one my heart cries all the time and there is only empty space and time and nothing and this is so impossible it is truly a form of hell, I love you so much my little pusskin always forever i miss you love you and think of you all the time day and nigh.
jULY 26.2016:precious angel: Sylena,sara and i went to your spot,I bought a special angel that plays music and turns and we placed it with your stuff,Brought water and watered your flowers,I miss you so much little one, Always when we go my thoughts are about you in the ground in your blue box with your red blanket on top ,Your body down there under everything your little boy body i held in my arms and loved so much only you precious one always this is a forever hell without you,,i wait and wait and tears never stop only pictures and memories such beautiful pictures and memories but i need you sweet boy so beautiful and precious my baby cuddlebum i love you,
JUly 27.2016Precious angel:I miss you all the time it gets harder and harder not easier with time..i wonder what you would look like now what fun we would be having..seperation from you my beautiful boy is a literal hell, there is nothing i wanty but you. Memories flood my soul day and night an di reach for you and ther eis nothing but nothing and i let myself remeber the feel of my special angel in my arms and then i open my eyes and you aren't here,Never was a child loved and cared for as much as you, Sweet baby boy i love you so much..remeber my love, I love you little pusskin and i cry and cry..
August 2,2016Precious angel.Sylena sara and i went to your spot,We brought a pretty red flower and water for your flowers.Little one i can't bear to know you are in the ground..why why you why my angel that i watched so closely..i am so sorry little pusskin, I miss you all the time always ,,love you so much this is so wrong it should be me not you my beautiful little one so precious and sweet you deserved to live to grow up now ther eis nothing but time for me nothing time i miss you sweet boy always forever youa re the child of my heart and my heart cries.
August 3.2016:Precious angel:I miss you all the time..images,videos in my memories play over and over.and i reach for you but i can't touch a memory i try but i don't feel you .I know you didn't want to go i don't understand why my God allowed this,,did He not hear our prayers? How wonderful our lives were with you in it how wonderful life would be with you,But it isn't it just sits here and each day goes by nature does what it needs to do i get up in the morning and do nothing all day ,ther eis nothing without you you were everything to me,,my life, my heart my very soul.I love you little one always forever you are my heart and soul and i reach for you my sweet angel boy.
August 6.2016:Precious angel:I miss you so.Last evening..i went into your room and the blanket on your bed had been turned down and the pillows were messed up.There is no way the cat could have done that.i hgad not touched your bed for three years everything was tucked in.you never slept in that little bed but you used to jump on the bed and try and pull the curtains down when you were teo three,then uyour v cr broke and uyou would not go into the room anymore..strange.i mis syou my heart cant stop crying ,i love you sweet boy
August 9.2016:Precious angel:Sylens,sara and i wen tto your spot.We brought a basket and i put a tiger on the handle and flowers through it and a little car in it,WE took the old red container and salvavagedthe thomas trains and put them back in,How you loved thomas trains..thomas everythings,Your toys sit downstairs..it's like they are waiting i am waiting i ask God every dau to bring my angel boy back for hHe is able if He wanted too.Does He hear me..? i miss you always little one love you beyond all love always you . I pray you are happy in heaven each day running through feilds of flowers daisies chasing butterflies with muffin.I hate this life without you always i think of you only you you and me were supossed to be together forever,,,i love you my beautiful angel child.August 11.2016:Precious angel>My beautiful little sweet boy.Always it is you in my thoughts i love you so much always forever,,I sit with cat outside and see you driving your bike while sara pushes you round and round and i am blowing bubbles for you to ride through .You loved your bubbles,Your bubble wands are still in the sand as if they are waiting for you..i reach for you at night but you aren't there i reach for yur smiles 8in all your pictures but you keep smiling back, I miss you so much little one always forever my angel child.
August 16.2016:Precious angel.Sara,sylena and i w ent to your spot,Brought a pink petunia flower.I pray each day you are running through daisies chasing butterflies i pray for God to bring you back to me <I miss you so much Why are other kids getting ready for school and you aren't this is so wrong my heart never stops crying for my beautiful little pusskin,,ny soul screams to God but there is no answer..i love you so little one always you i am so sorry so sorry love wasn't enough for if it would have been you would still be here should be here..please God bring my baby back,i love you little one for all time it is only always you.
August 22,2016Precious angel:Sylena and i went to your spot.I brought a pretty little flower.Your rose bush had a rose today.I miss you so much little one. Always the memories flood my mind my very soul and i see you. I pray each day for God to return you. I pray you are happy in heaven with my father and martta..running.singing playing laughter ans butterflies..there is no end to this..i love you sweet boy my heart cries constantly and nobody listens..you are my all in all my baby angel child i love you.
August 26.2015:Precious angel.I miss you all the time always..i reach for your pictures but you don't reach back,I am so sorry little one i tried so hard.Every second was for you with only thoughts of you and yet you are not here..others are but not my beautiful boy. I pray for your happiness in heaven, I pray for God to bring you back for He is able but my faith isn't enough,,for you aren't here..my heart breaks over and over..tears fall with no place to go.You will always be my heart and soul and now thye wil lalways be broken for my beautiful baby angel was taken too soon.I love you little one always forever grammas cuddlebum.
August 28.2016:Precious angel>How my heart cries for you. You are missing when everyone is here..i look for you knowing there are no miracles now..you were the most beautiful,wonderful miracle..our miracle baby..I am so sorry pusskin my life for yours in a heartbeat..where is God hiding that He allowed this..each day is the same as the other t